10 things you don’t realize you’re doing because you’re a beta male (and how to become more sigma)

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Understanding and redefining your social identity can be a challenging task.

Often, you might find yourself acting in ways that classify you as a ‘beta male’, without even realizing it. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re weak, but it does suggest you might be playing second fiddle more often than you’d like.

Becoming a ‘sigma male’, on the other hand, is about being self-sufficient and comfortable in your own skin, without the need for social validation.

The interesting part is that the transition between the two is not as complicated as you think. There are certain behaviors and mindsets that can guide you on this journey.

In this article, we delve into 10 things you might be doing that classify you as a beta male and how to shift towards becoming a sigma male.

1) Seeking constant approval

A classic trait of a ‘beta male’ is the constant need for approval and validation from others.

We all like to be liked, there’s no denying that. But when your actions, decisions, and even your self-worth start to hinge heavily on what others think of you, you might be trapped in the beta mindset.

You see, a sigma male thrives on self-confidence. They don’t depend on others for validation, but rather validate themselves. They are comfortable in their own skin and are not swayed by the opinions of the crowd.

The trick to shifting from beta to sigma is finding that inner confidence. Start by identifying your strengths and focusing on them. This will help build a sense of self-worth that doesn’t rely on external validation. Remember that your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.

2) Avoiding confrontation

Another sign you’re in the beta zone is if you regularly avoid confrontations, even when it means letting others walk all over you.

I remember a time when I found myself in a similar situation. A colleague at work was consistently taking credit for my ideas. I knew it wasn’t right, but I was reluctant to confront him, fearing the conflict it might cause.

However, being a sigma male isn’t about picking fights but standing up for yourself when necessary. It’s about knowing your worth and asserting it.

So, I decided to change my approach. I confronted my colleague respectfully yet firmly, making it clear that I wouldn’t tolerate such behavior anymore. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. And guess what? Not only did he stop stealing my ideas, but he also started respecting me more.

Remember, avoiding confrontation doesn’t keep the peace; it merely postpones the war. Standing up for yourself is not about being aggressive; it’s about being assertive.

3) Over-apologizing

Beta males often find themselves apologizing more than necessary. It’s not just about saying sorry when you’ve done something wrong, but also when you haven’t.

Here’s something to consider: A study published in Psychological Science found that women tend to apologize more than men, not because men are reluctant to admit wrongdoing, but because they perceive fewer actions as requiring an apology.

Sigma males, on the other hand, know when an apology is necessary and when it’s not. They understand their actions and take responsibility when they’re in the wrong. But they don’t apologize for existing, for having opinions, or for taking up space.

Apologizing less doesn’t mean being unkind or rude – it means respecting yourself and your boundaries.

4) Trying to please everyone

One classic sign of a beta male is the incessant need to please everyone around them. You might find yourself constantly going out of your way to make others happy, often at the expense of your own well-being or principles.

Sigma males, however, understand that it’s impossible to please everyone, and they don’t try to. They live by their own values and principles, and while they respect others’ opinions, they don’t bend over backwards just to make them happy.

The key here is to understand that it’s okay if someone doesn’t like you. Focus on pleasing yourself first; live by your standards and let your authenticity attract the right people into your life.

5) Shying away from leadership roles

Have you ever declined a leadership role because you felt that someone else would be better at it? Or have you found yourself hiding in the crowd, even when you had great ideas to contribute? If so, you might be exhibiting beta male behavior.

Sigma males, on the other hand, are comfortable taking the lead when the situation calls for it. They don’t shy away from responsibility and are confident in their ability to make decisions.

It’s important to remember that leadership isn’t about bossing people around. It’s about taking initiative, guiding others towards a common goal, and standing up for what you believe in. So, don’t be afraid to step up and take charge when the opportunity arises.

6) Neglecting self-care

Being a beta male often means putting everyone else’s needs before your own, to the point where you neglect your own self-care. You might find yourself overworked, stressed, and emotionally drained, yet still striving to meet the needs of others.

Sigma males understand the importance of self-care. They know that in order to take care of others, they first need to take care of themselves. It’s not a selfish act; it’s a necessary one.

Remember, it’s okay to say no when you’re feeling overwhelmed. It’s okay to take time for yourself, to recharge and rejuvenate. You’re important too and your well-being matters. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for taking care of yourself.

7) Fearing independence

Beta males often rely heavily on others for support and decision-making. They’re uncomfortable with independence, preferring to stay within the safety of the group.

I used to be afraid of being alone. The thought of making decisions on my own, without anyone to rely on, was daunting. I felt safer blending into the crowd, going with the flow rather than charting my own course.

Sigma males, however, cherish their independence. They’re comfortable with solitude and fully capable of making their own decisions. They don’t fear being alone; they embrace it.

So I decided to step out of my comfort zone. I started making small decisions on my own, gradually gaining confidence in my abilities. It was a challenging journey, but it helped me grow as a person and discover my potential.

Being independent doesn’t mean isolating yourself from others. It means having the ability to stand on your own two feet, even when no one else is around. It’s about embracing your individuality and being comfortable in your own skin.

8) Overcompensating with aggression

In an attempt to assert dominance and hide their insecurities, beta males often resort to aggressive behavior. They mistake aggression for strength and believe that it’s the only way to command respect.

However, sigma males understand that real strength doesn’t lie in aggression but in control. They command respect through their actions, not their words. They are assertive, not aggressive.

Aggression often leads to conflict, while assertiveness leads to respect. The next time you find yourself resorting to aggression, pause for a moment. Ask yourself if there’s a better way to communicate your feelings or assert your point. You might be surprised at how much more effective you can be by taking a calm and controlled approach.

9) Lacking self-confidence

It’s not uncommon for beta males to struggle with self-confidence. They often second-guess their abilities and are plagued by thoughts of not being good enough.

Sigma males, on the other hand, exude confidence. They believe in their abilities and aren’t afraid to showcase them. They understand that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and they focus on enhancing their strengths rather than dwelling on their weaknesses.

Building self-confidence takes time and practice, but it’s worth the effort. Start by acknowledging your achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Celebrate your strengths and work on improving your weaknesses. And most importantly, believe in yourself. Confidence comes from within, so start building it today.

10) Putting others on a pedestal

Beta males often put others on a pedestal, viewing them as superior or more valuable. This can lead to feelings of inferiority and can negatively impact self-esteem.

Sigma males, however, see themselves as equals to others. They respect others without devaluing themselves. They understand that each individual has unique qualities and strengths, including themselves.

The key here is to recognize your own worth. Remember, no one is superior or inferior. We’re all unique in our own ways, with our own strengths and weaknesses. So, don’t put others on a pedestal at the expense of your own self-worth. Respect others, but also respect yourself.

Final thoughts: It’s about self-awareness

The journey from being a beta male to a sigma male isn’t just about changing behaviors; it’s about a shift in mindset. It’s about self-awareness, understanding your worth, and standing up for yourself.

Every individual is unique, with their own set of strengths and weaknesses. And becoming a sigma male doesn’t mean you have to change who you are at your core. It means embracing your individuality and becoming the best version of yourself.

Remember, it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes. It’s okay to say no, to stand up for what you believe in, and to take time for self-care. You’re not being selfish; you’re respecting yourself.

And most importantly, remember that the journey to becoming a sigma male is a personal one. It’s not about comparing yourself to others or trying to fit into a certain mold. It’s about being true to yourself and living life on your own terms.

So take a moment to reflect on these points. Are there areas in your life where you’re acting like a beta male? Are there changes you can make to become more of a sigma male? The first step towards change is awareness. And now that you’re aware, you have the power to change.