5 ways to find peace…and stop letting others hurt you

Life has its ups and downs, and we all face moments when others hurt or upset us.

You have them, I have them; no one escapes them. 

As you’ve probably realized, these moments can chip away at our happiness and self-esteem.
But imagine if we could rise above these situations and find inner peace, no matter what comes our way.

This article is for everyone who’s felt hurt or let down by others.

We’ll explore 5 ways to help you move past the hurt, find peace, and live a happier life.

While I’m not perfect, these ways, which I learned from experts in their fields, have helped me overcome many troubles in my life. 

They can help you too. 

Let’s dive in. 

1. Self-reflection: understanding your feelings

Before we can heal, we need to understand.

When someone hurts us, our immediate reaction might be anger or sadness. But what’s behind those feelings?

Take a moment to reflect on why you feel the way you do.

Is it a past experience that’s resurfacing? Is it a deep-seated fear or insecurity?

By understanding the root of our emotions, we can address them more effectively. It’s like treating an ailment – we need to know the cause before finding the cure.

There are different ways to reflect but journaling has become a transformative tool in my own journey of self-reflection.

Whenever I feel deeply hurt by a friend’s comment, instead of retaliating or burying the pain, I turn to my journal.

This act of journaling not only gives me clarity but also enables me to address the situation with understanding and grace.

It was a revelation to see how a simple daily habit could offer such profound insights.

So, the next time you feel hurt, instead of reacting instantly, pause. Ask yourself why you feel that way.

Consider journaling your thoughts if that resonates with you.

This self-reflection can offer clarity, helping you respond rather than react, and over time, it can make you more resilient to external negativity.

Remember, knowledge is power, even when it comes to our emotions.

2. Set clear boundaries: know where to draw the line

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” — Brené Brown

Boundaries are crucial in all relationships, whether with friends, family, or colleagues. Think of them as invisible lines that help you maintain your personal space, both emotionally and physically.

When people cross these lines, it often leads to feelings of discomfort or hurt.

By setting clear boundaries, you let others know what behavior you find acceptable and what you don’t.

Start by reflecting on past instances where you felt uncomfortable or hurt by someone’s actions. Was there a boundary that could have prevented this?

Once you recognize these areas, communicate them. It might be as simple as telling a friend that you’d prefer not to discuss certain topics or asking a colleague for some personal space at work.

For those of you who want to learn more about this, here is a great video by  Sarri Gilman on how to build boundaries. 

Remember, setting boundaries isn’t about pushing people away; it’s about protecting your well-being.

It helps others understand how to interact with you, leading to healthier and more respectful relationships.

3. Practice gratitude

In our quest for peace and resilience, the power of gratitude often goes overlooked.

Yet, focusing on the positive and being thankful for the blessings, big or small, can profoundly transform our perspective and well-being.

Research has delved into the myriad benefits of practicing gratitude. It’s not just about feeling good in the moment; the effects are long-lasting and far-reaching.

Studies have indicated that gratitude practices not only elevate your life satisfaction but can also significantly enhance your self-esteem.

In simple terms, when you’re grateful, you tend to feel better about yourself and the world around you.

Incorporating gratitude into your daily routine can be as simple as maintaining a gratitude journal, where you jot down three things you’re thankful for each day, or taking a quiet moment to mentally acknowledge your blessings.

Over time, this shift in focus from what’s lacking or negative to what’s abundant and positive can be a game-changer in your journey to inner peace and resilience.

Remember, every day presents countless moments to be grateful for; it’s all about tuning in and recognizing them.

4. Foster strong support networks

Human beings are inherently social creatures. We thrive when surrounded by support, understanding, and positive reinforcement.

Establishing a strong network of friends, family, or even support groups can act as a buffer against the negativity and hurt we might encounter.

The importance of these connections is not just anecdotal; scientific research underscores its value. A landmark study from Harvard, which spanned over 80 years, found that the quality of one’s relationships was a key predictor of long-term happiness and even health.

The study emphasized that people who are more socially connected to family, friends, and community are happier, physically healthier, and live longer than those who are less connected.

Similarly, ancient philosophers focused a lot on the importance of good relationships, especially Epicurus, who saw them as a means of overcoming life’s pains. 

It’s not about the number of friends you have, but the depth and quality of those relationships.

Check out the Harvard study director’s full Ted Talk below. It’s worth a watch. 

When you’re feeling down or hurt by someone’s words or actions, reach out to someone you trust. Share your feelings, seek advice, or simply have a chat to distract yourself.

Sometimes, just knowing that someone’s got your back can make all the difference.

Additionally, being part of a supportive community can provide alternate perspectives on situations, helping you see things in a different light.

They can remind you of your worth, help you process your feelings, and even offer strategies they’ve used in similar circumstances.

5. Turn pain into Lessons

Life is a continuous journey of learning, and often, our most profound lessons come from challenging situations or interactions.

Instead of allowing hurtful experiences to weigh you down, view them as opportunities for personal growth.

Not too long ago a business I had poured my heart and soul into failed. The disappointment was immense, and the sting of friends thinking I was crazy for even trying made the wound deeper.

But amidst the pain, I took a step back and asked myself, “What can I take away from this experience?”

Rather than seeing it as a dead-end, I used it as a stepping stone. I realized that failures, as heartbreaking as they might be, offer invaluable lessons.

They taught me about resilience, about bouncing back, and about refining my approach. Today, that experience stands as a testament to my growth, pushing me to be more resilient and more determined than ever before.

When faced with negativity or hurt, ask yourself: What can I learn from this?

Maybe it’s developing thicker skin, improving communication skills, or simply realizing what you don’t want to tolerate in your life.

Every challenge has a silver lining, even if it’s just making you stronger and wiser for the future.

By adopting a growth mindset, you shift from a place of victimhood to empowerment. You start to see challenges as stepping stones, pushing you closer to the person you aspire to be.

In this way, even the harshest critiques or hurtful actions can be repurposed into fuel for your personal development journey.