By 
Are you starting to feel like your relationship might not be as healthy as it seems?
Codependency can be tricky to spot—at first, it might look like love, loyalty, or being so in sync with your partner. But beneath the surface, it can quietly create patterns that leave you feeling drained, anxious, or unable to function without the other person.
As a relationship expert and the author of Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I’m here to help you recognize the relationship red flags that signal a codependent dynamic.
If you’re ready to stop codependency and build a healthier, more balanced partnership, understanding these signs is the first step.
Let’s dive into 6 telltale signs of a codependent relationship.
1) Constant need for approval
In my years of experience as a relationship expert, I’ve found that one of the most glaring signs of a codependent relationship is a constant need for approval from your partner.
It’s natural and healthy to want your partner’s approval on some things, but when it becomes a constant need, it’s time to evaluate the situation.
In a codependent relationship, one person often seeks validation from their partner for every decision they make, big or small. This could range from what to wear in the morning, to more significant life choices.
This constant need for approval speaks volumes about one’s self-esteem and the power dynamics in the relationship. It shows a reliance on your partner for affirmation and validation rather than finding it within yourself.
It’s crucial to maintain your individuality in a relationship. Your decisions and choices should primarily be based on your own beliefs and values, not solely on your partner’s.
This isn’t about being stubborn or unyielding, but about maintaining a healthy sense of self in your relationship.
2) Loss of personal identity
Another alarming sign of codependency is a loss of personal identity, where you start to lose that sense of who you are as an individual.
It’s easy to get caught up in the ‘we’. And while it’s beautiful to share a bond with someone, it becomes a problem when you lose your ‘I’ in the process.
This loss of identity can manifest in various ways. It might mean giving up hobbies or interests you once loved because your partner doesn’t share them. Or perhaps you start to adopt your partner’s opinions and views, neglecting your own.
A healthy relationship is about complementing each other, not losing yourself. Maintaining your individuality is not only important for your self-esteem but also for the overall health of your relationship.
3) Poor boundaries
Do you find yourself saying “yes” when you really want to say “no”? Or constantly sacrificing your time, energy, and even values to keep your partner happy?
In healthy relationships, boundaries help protect your emotional, physical, and mental well-being. They define where you end and your partner begins.
But in a codependent dynamic, those boundaries often become blurred—or disappear altogether.
You might feel responsible for your partner’s feelings, problems, or happiness, which leads you to overextend yourself. For example, you might drop everything to “fix” their issues, even if it comes at your own expense. Or maybe you avoid voicing your true thoughts and needs for fear of upsetting them.
The result? Resentment, burnout, and a loss of self.
It’s important to remember that having boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Healthy boundaries allow you to love and support your partner while still honoring your own needs, values, and limits.
4) Overcommunication
Now here’s one you might not have expected.
We often hear that communication is the key to a healthy relationship, and while that’s true, there’s such a thing as too much communication.
In a codependent relationship, you may find that you’re constantly in touch with your partner, discussing every minute detail of your day, your thoughts, and your feelings. There could be an overwhelming need to share everything with your partner and know everything about them.
While it’s crucial to communicate openly and honestly with your partner, it’s also important to have some space and privacy. Both you and your partner are entitled to have thoughts, feelings, or experiences that are not shared with each other.
Overcommunication can lead to an unhealthy merging of identities and a lack of personal space. It’s essential to strike a balance where you can openly communicate with your partner without losing respect for each other’s individuality and privacy.
A little mystery can keep the spark alive in a relationship.
5) Fear of abandonment
Another glaring sign of codependency is a deep-seated fear of abandonment.
This fear can manifest itself in various ways. It could be constant anxiety when your partner is away, or a sense of dread at the thought of them leaving you.
This fear can often lead to clingy or controlling behavior, which can further strain the relationship.
It’s important to remember that everyone has a life outside of their relationship. Your partner may have other commitments or interests that take them away from you, and that’s okay.
Similarly, you should also have aspects of your life that are just yours.
This doesn’t mean you love each other any less. On the contrary, it can strengthen your bond as you both bring unique experiences and perspectives to the relationship.
6) Neglecting other relationships
It’s easy to get swept up in the whirlwind of a romantic relationship. But when this results in you ignoring friends, family, or even your relationship with yourself, it’s a red flag.
Your partner cannot and should not be your only source of emotional support. It’s neither fair to them, nor healthy for you. It’s important to maintain and nurture other relationships in your life, both for your own wellbeing and for the health of your romantic relationship.
Don’t let your love for someone else rob you of the love you share with others. A romantic partner is a part of your life, not your entire life. It’s crucial to have a support network outside of your romantic relationship.