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There’s a significant difference between being confident and lacking self-assurance, particularly when it comes to relationships.
The difference is primarily visible in actions. Men with low self-assurance tend to behave differently in relationships, subtly betraying their lack of confidence through certain behaviors, often without even realizing it.
These behaviors, however, aren’t always easy to spot, but as a relationship expert, I’ve seen these patterns repeatedly. In this article, we’ll explore seven such behaviors.
Let’s get to ’em.
1) Over apologizing
One of the most common behaviors found in men who lack self-assurance in relationships is over-apologizing.
Apologies are crucial in any relationship. They mend misunderstandings and show respect for the other person’s feelings.
However, when apologies become excessive and are offered for every minor inconvenience or mistake, it might indicate a deeper issue.
Over-apologizing can stem from the fear of losing someone, the fear of being a disappointment, or the fear of conflict. It’s as if they are perpetually walking on eggshells, attempting to avoid any possible source of friction.
If you notice your partner, or yourself, frequently saying “I’m sorry” even when it’s unnecessary, it might be time to dig deeper and address the root of the issue.
It’s not about criticizing but rather understanding where it’s coming from and finding ways to boost confidence.
2) Excessive agreement
Sure, harmony in a relationship is essential, and being on the same page with your partner on many things can make for a peaceful relationship.
But, and it’s a big but, when agreement becomes excessive, it might signal a lack of confidence.
Men lacking self-assurance often find themselves agreeing with their partners on almost everything. This behavior can come from the fear of conflict or the fear of disappointing their partner. It’s as if they’ve convinced themselves that their opinions might disrupt the peace or lead to an argument.
If you’re always nodding along with your partner’s ideas and never challenge her opinions or suggest alternatives, it might be time to express your thoughts more freely. It’s not about creating conflict, but it’s important you both feel comfortable sharing your viewpoints.
3) Seeking constant validation
It’s natural and healthy to want some level of validation from your partner. But when this need becomes constant, it can indicate a deeper issue.
Men lacking in confidence often find themselves seeking continuous approval, affirmation, or validation from their partner. This behavior often indicates a fear of not being good enough or a fear of being unlovable.
In my exploration of relationships and codependency, which I delve into in my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I’ve found that this constant need for validation can often lead to one partner feeling drained or overwhelmed.
Again, it’s something that shouldn’t be overlooked.
4) Avoiding conversations about the future
Discussions about the future can be daunting. They involve commitment, planning, and sometimes uncertainty.
For someone lacking self-assurance, these conversations can often trigger feelings of anxiety and insecurity.
Do you often dodge talking about the future or feel uncomfortable when your partner brings it up?
It might be time to address your fears gently.
5) Overly defensive behavior
Another behavior I’ve frequently observed in men lacking self-assurance is heightened defensiveness.
Men with low self-assurance often interpret constructive feedback as an attack on their character. This can result in an overly defensive reaction as they try to protect their self-esteem.
In the many relationships I’ve worked with, this pattern of defensiveness can create a barrier to effective communication and growth.
6) Lack of personal boundaries
Individuals lacking in self-esteem often struggle to establish and maintain boundaries due to fear of rejection or conflict.
For instance, men lacking self-assurance may allow their partner to cross their boundaries frequently, fearing that asserting their needs may upset their partner or lead to a breakup.
As the great poet Robert Frost once said, “Good fences make good neighbors.” The same applies to relationships – good boundaries make healthy relationships.
7) Fear of being alone
Perhaps the most raw and honest sign of low self-assurance in men is a palpable fear of being alone.
It’s natural to value companionship and fear the possibility of ending up alone. But when this fear becomes a driving force in a relationship, it might indicate a lack of self-assurance.
Men who lack self-assurance often stay in relationships that aren’t fulfilling or even toxic simply because they fear being alone more than they value their happiness.
This fear can lead to clinging behavior, constant need for reassurance, and even tolerating mistreatment just to keep the relationship intact.
Stepping towards assurance
Navigating relationships can be complex, especially when self-assurance is lacking.
Recognizing and addressing these behaviors is crucial for building healthier, more balanced relationships.
The key to overcoming these challenges lies in self-awareness and proactive change. By understanding the roots of these behaviors, men can work towards boosting their confidence and establishing more equitable dynamics in their relationships.
This journey requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths. It’s not about instant transformation but a gradual, consistent effort to become a more assured and authentic partner.
Remember, everyone has areas where they can grow and improve. Identifying these behaviors is the first step towards fostering stronger, more fulfilling connections.
So, take a deep breath, reflect on what you’ve learned, and consider the positive changes you can make starting today.
Until next time.