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A few years ago, I met this guy at a networking event. On the surface, he seemed like someone who had it all together—successful job, fancy car, and always dressed to impress. He was charismatic, never short on stories, and seemed to command attention wherever he went. At first glance, you’d think he was the epitome of confidence.
But as the night went on, I started to notice some things that didn’t quite add up. There was something about the way he carried himself that felt… off.
It wasn’t until later that I began to realize what was really going on beneath the surface. That encounter opened my eyes to a reality I’d seen before but hadn’t fully understood: some men mask their insecurities with behaviors that scream confidence but are actually rooted in low self-esteem.
Today, we’re going to explore 8 definite signs that a man is compensating for his lack of self-esteem.
Let’s dive in.
1) He’s always trying to one-up everyone
You’re in the middle of a conversation, sharing a story about something cool you did, when suddenly he jumps in with something “better.”
It doesn’t matter what you say—he’s done it faster, bigger, or with more style. Whether it’s career achievements, hobbies, or even personal milestones, this guy constantly feels the need to top whatever’s been said.
This is well-acknowledged by experts in their field. For example, Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., a Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, noted in a recent Psychology Today post that an insecure person will need to “showcase his or her accomplishments”.
At first, it might seem like he’s just competitive, but the reality is, this need to one-up others often stems from insecurity.
Underneath that relentless need to prove himself is a fear that he’s not enough. By overshadowing others, he temporarily soothes his self-doubt, but the cycle never really ends. True confidence doesn’t need to compete with every word—it stands on its own.
2) He brags about his possessions
Ever notice how some guys seem to find a way to mention their expensive car, latest gadget, or designer clothes in nearly every conversation?
It’s almost as if they’re waiting for someone to ask, “Wow, how did you afford that?”
But here’s the thing—this constant need to flash their possessions isn’t about sharing their success; it’s about masking their insecurities. In fact, studies have linked such materialism with low self-esteem.
Men who lack it often latch onto material things to compensate for how they really feel about themselves. Deep down, they believe their worth is tied to what they own, so they flaunt it as a way to seek validation.
3) He can’t take criticism—at all
When you point out even the smallest flaw or offer a bit of constructive feedback, he immediately goes on the defensive. His response might be overly aggressive or, just as often, he’ll completely shut down. This reaction isn’t about the criticism itself; it’s about what it triggers inside him. A man compensating for low self-esteem tends to see any critique as an attack on his worth, rather than just an opportunity for growth.
Instead of taking it in stride, he sees criticism as a threat to the image he’s desperately trying to uphold. The reality is, people with healthy self-esteem can take feedback, process it, and use it to improve. For someone compensating, though, it feels like a chink in the armor that they can’t afford to expose.
4) He’s obsessed with dominating conversations
This is a big one. You’ve probably been around a guy who always needs to be the loudest voice in the room. No matter the topic, he bulldozes through, barely letting others get a word in. Whether it’s talking over people, interrupting, or steering every discussion back to himself, it’s clear that control is the name of the game for him.
They might be described, as Forbes put it, as “conversational narcissists.”
But here’s what’s happening: men who dominate conversations often feel powerless on the inside. T
By controlling the dialogue, they try to assert a sense of authority they’re afraid they lack. The constant need to hold the spotlight is just a smokescreen, hiding the insecurity underneath.
Truly confident men don’t need to monopolize a conversation—they’re comfortable letting others have the floor.
5) He’s always talking about his “success”
Remember that guy I mentioned in the intro? Yes. Well, he epitomized this. Every conversation we had somehow circled back to his latest promotion, his fancy new car, or the impressive circles he ran in. It didn’t matter what the topic was, he always found a way to weave in his accomplishments.
At first, it seemed like harmless pride, but over time it became clear that he was using his “success” as a mask for deeper insecurities.
While success can be a genuine source of pride, for a man compensating for low self-esteem, it becomes a shield. He’s hoping that by showing off his status or accolades, people will see him as worthy or impressive. The truth is, a man who’s truly secure in himself doesn’t need to keep reminding others of how successful he is—his confidence speaks for itself.
6) He’s overly competitive, even in the smallest things
Here’s one that might surprise you, but when we think about it, it makes perfect sense: overly competitive behavior in trivial situations often masks deep insecurities.
Whether it’s a friendly game of basketball or a casual bet on who can finish their beer faster, he turns every little thing into a competition he has to win.
Why?
Because for him, it’s not just a game—it’s a test of his worth. Winning boosts his fragile ego, while losing feels like a personal failure.
A man with healthy self-esteem can enjoy competition without letting the outcome define him. For a man compensating for low self-esteem, though, winning becomes a necessity, not just a bonus.
7) He tries to make others feel insecure
Another classic sign of insecurity is when a man consistently belittles those around him. Whether it’s subtle digs or outright criticism, the goal is to make others feel small so they can feel bigger.
This is another one noted by Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne. People who suffer from an inferiority complex often compensate by striving for superiority, which can manifest as making others feel insecure.
By putting others down, he’s attempting to elevate himself and cover up his own feelings of inadequacy. But true confidence doesn’t need to diminish others—it lifts everyone up.