How to be a gentleman: 11 no bullsh*t tips

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By the age of 30, every man should be a gentleman.

Is that setting the bar too high?

Well, think about it this way:

If you’re over 30, and you’re still acting like an immature jerk who only cares about himself, then, you’re not adding much to society, are you?

Society looks to mature men to bring society forward and to be role models for younger men (and women).

You’re at an age now where it’s time to step up and embrace manhood.

I’ll admit that in my 20s, I was anything but a gentleman:

I only cared about myself; I treated women like objects and rarely took responsibility.

But now that I’m 34, after ten years of focused self-improvement on becoming a real man, I’ve taken responsibility for my life, and I always treat others with respect.

I’ve become an awesome husband, brother, and man that actually adds value to society.

I wrote this article to share with you the gentlemanly behaviors I believe every man should live by.

Here are 11 ways to be a gentleman and add value to the people around you.

Let’s go.

1) Be Respectful and Command Respect

Respect: This is the perfect word to describe how a gentleman acts.

A gentleman is respectful of others, always.

He isn’t polite merely to impress a woman.

Instead, he is polite to everyone he meets because it is a part of his identity.

To be a gentleman is to take the high ground and be a better person without engaging in unnecessary public spats (even if they deserve it).

Learning the art of walking away from a bad situation with people looking to create a scene will let you come off as a reasonable person.

It’s also vital to ensure you are worthy of the respect of your peers.

You can do this by turning in high-quality work and conducting yourself in a polished manner with a pleasant smile.

Practical steps to implement this rule:

  • Listen to others and don’t judge people too quickly
  • Always be courteous to everyone around you
  • Address people’s mistakes with kindness and be thoughtful of other people’s feelings
  • Make decisions based on what’s right – not who you like
  • Respect people’s physical space (especially women!)
  • Always try your best and work as hard as possible
  • Never engage in gossip or try to create a scene.

2) Never Hide Away From the Truth and Always Keep Your Promises

If you want to be a gentleman, then you must be willing to confront hard truths and stick to your word.

A gentleman is a man of substance.

Women and people respect men who stand by their word and always tell the truth.

You can impress her by going out of your way to keep your promises. This will show the world that you are trustworthy and reliable.

This also includes being honest to yourself and staying true to your emotions.

If you want to be a real gentleman, then instead of hiding away from the truth, go up to the woman you like and let her know how you feel.

Not only will she admire your confidence but will respect you for your honesty.

How to implement this rule:

  • Don’t exaggerate. Say only what is true
  • Don’t gossip or talk behind people’s backs
  • Always do what you’ll say you’ll do. If you can’t do it, don’t say you will
  • Don’t make excuses or blame others. Take responsibility for your actions
  • Don’t shy away from the hard truths about life.

3) Never Ditch a Relationship When It Gets Hard

This one might ruffle a few feathers, but I genuinely believe this is a crucial element of being a gentleman.

After all:

A gentleman is someone who stands by the people he loves through sickness and health.

Despite how much you both love and admire each other, relationships can be difficult and aren’t always going to be easy.

I had a rough patch with my wife when we dated early.

But even though she went through some emotional struggles, we stuck it out and stayed in the relationship because we wanted to.

We believed it would get better as time passed, and now we’re happier than ever.

The truth is:

Even when things are difficult, a gentleman would always stand by and support his partner.

Ditching a relationship the moment it gets complex shows weakness in character.

It shows that you’re incapable of keeping yourself accountable and shouldering responsibility.

A gentleman is a natural problem solver who tries to figure things out by having respectful conversations and understanding the other side’s perspective.

Empathy and unconditional love for their partners are essential characteristics of a gentleman.

How to implement this rule:

  • Understand that relationships can get hard. That’s ok
  • Don’t give up if things are getting difficult. Stay and try to fix it
  •  Keep a level head when arguing and don’t fight dirty or with judgment
  • Always be loyal and stick with your partner
  • Always treat your partner the way you want to be treated.

4) Maintain Your Personal Hygiene and Grooming Routines

There’s no way around this one:

If you want to be considered a gentleman, then you must always dress well.

A gentleman is a person who is conscious about the way he looks and smells when he is in public.

He will go to great lengths to present himself in a way that will leave a good impression on the people around him.

This involves maintaining personal hygiene and sticking to well-thought-out grooming routines.

Before leaving the house, ensure your appearance is presentable and that you take care of your body.

Ensure that you take regular baths to eradicate bodily odors.

Also, try not to mask your odor by overusing perfumes, as pungent cologne can be just as bad.

It doesn’t matter how attractive or well-groomed you are if you don’t smell clean and fresh.

A gentleman protects others and himself by stopping the spread of sickness by washing himself up regularly.

How to implement this rule:

  • Shower daily
  • Keep your hair neat
  • Wear deodorant
  • Trim your beard regularly and cut your nails
  • Don’t wear unwashed garments or socks

5) Have Good Body Language and Make Small Gestures in Your Daily Life

Body language is everything when presenting yourself as a gentleman in social situations.

Try kicking off every important conversation with a good, firm handshake.

This will show that you are trying to make a positive impression without appearing cocky.

Small gestures such as handshakes and standing up when a new person enters the room can go a long way in earning the respect of other people.

Holding doors for your partner and important people in your life is also a great way to show that you are a considerate human being who is courteous and charming.

How to implement this rule:

  • Get up when a new person enters the room (no matter how small the meeting)
  • Sit up straight when you’re at the dinner table
  • Walk with a sense of purpose and use confident body language
  • Hold doors for people who need it
  • When in a conversation, maintain eye contact and maintain a good posture.
  • Shake people’s hands firmly (but not too tight) and with eye contact

6) Refrain From Abusive Language

This is a rather obvious step in transforming yourself into a gentleman.

Abusive and foul language will make the people around you uncomfortable and leave a bad taste in their mouths long after the conversation is over.

Even if you used it as part of a joke, people might tend to judge you as insensitive or indecent and will associate you with your language every time you converse with them in the future.

While it’s okay to let one or two slip occasionally, dropping the f-bomb way too often will make you seem obnoxiously edgy rather than charming.

By being mindful of your language and toning it down so that everyone can take part in the conversation without feeling offended, you can leave a positive impression on the people you interact with.

How to implement this rule:

  • Delete the swear word dictionary from your brain. Or at least, think before you speak!
  • Use more sophisticated, well-thought-out language.
  • Avoid foul language in front of kids or people with a strong sense of morality.
  • Don’t use offensive or derogatory words to describe people (especially women)
  • Don’t shout when you’re mad or frustrated. Always handle emotions in a mature way
  • When angry at someone, talk to them calmly and tell them how their actions made you feel.

7) Prioritize Both Your Partner and Your Family

No matter how busy you might be, it’s important to have your priorities straight if you want to be a gentleman.

Never forget to prioritize your family if something is going on.

Perhaps a member of your family or your girlfriend is ill; in such a case, offer to help and take care of them.

Strong and mature men look after their loved ones.

By giving your family the time of day they deserve despite having 100 other things that require your attention, you can make the people closest to you feel special.

It’s a great way to show that you’re a gentleman who doesn’t mind being self-sacrificial if the situation demands it.

How to implement this rule:

  • Be there for your family and close friends when they need you
  • Make time for the important people in your life
  • Always be involved with your partner’s life. Ask about her day, her parents, and her friends.
  • Always put your family and partner first.

8) Value Your Time

Time is perhaps the most valuable asset of a high-value gentleman.

It’s a resource that you need to learn how to invest judiciously.

More importantly, it’s essential to be conscious of who you decide to invest in.

This means arriving on time for dates and events. A gentleman is not a latecomer.

Time management is a crucial aspect of being a gentleman, even while it may be tempting to be fashionably late occasionally.

It’s rude to keep people waiting for you. You need to respect your time and theirs.

It’s also important to know when to stop wasting your time with people who don’t value or respect you.

Knowing your worth is a vital step in being a gentleman.

How to implement this rule:

  • Be on time. If you can’t be on time, inform the person waiting for you
  • Understand that other people also invest their time when they meet you
  • Value your own time. If you’re wasting it on someone who makes you feel bad, stop!
  • Don’t waste your time on people who don’t value or treat you with respect.

9) Adopt a Good Fashion Sense

Avoid flamboyant attire and opt for outfits that fit your physique nicely.

A more understated wardrobe will keep the focus on you rather than your attire, which will alter the way you look.

You’ll look classy and gentlemanly if you keep it simple. Be sure to stick with muted blacks, grays, blues, and browns.

The traditional colors for males are not bright; nonetheless, a gentleman can wear any hue in moderation (as well as a jacket and pants).

The choice of attire is entirely up to you, but always remember to look spiffy.

Try wearing fashionable socks, distinctive pocket squares, or an attractive tie to express your personality, but make sure everything is color-coded.

How to implement this rule:

  • Avoid wearing things that are too tight, especially skinny jeans.
  • Choose clothes that fit you well and make you look your best (not like a clown).
  • Stay away from trendy bright clothing and colors, as they give off the impression of immaturity.

10) Never Flaunt Your Wealth

Despite what movies might have told you, money is not a man’s most attractive or sought-after trait.

Regardless of your financial situation, it’s never a good sign if you’re flaunting your wealth to everyone you know.

Others might not have the same fortune you have had in life, and by showing off, you will make yourself come off as arrogant.

Taking pride in one’s wealth is unseemly, it makes other people feel inferior, and it is just not respectable.

All that matters is you know how much money you have, and no one else needs to be informed about that information.

How to implement this rule:

  • Keep your finances within the family
  • Avoid flaunting wealth to others
  • Do not brag about your wealth or tell people how successful you are. It is only acceptable to share that information with close friends and family.

11) Stand Up for Her When It Matters the Most

No one is flawless or perfect, and everyone makes their fair share of mistakes.

A gentleman is someone who avoids conflict but at the same time will stand up for the people closest to him.

You can win her over by defending her in public even if she’s in the wrong.

This will make people who love you feel safe and comfortable around you.

It also gives her the impression of you being a strong man who will be there by her side through thick and thin.

Respecting other people’s boundaries is equally important if you want to be a true gentleman.

You can achieve this by following the simple thumb rule of never forcing her or anyone else to do something they don’t like.

A real gentleman never makes a woman he loves feel awful or guilty for not doing what he wants and allows her to decide how far she wants to go.

He has the patience to wait for the one who is worth his time and listens to her perspective.

How to implement this rule:

  • Be there for your loved ones when they need you the most.
  • Be patient with your loved one’s needs and wants.
  • Stand up for the people you love and value in the face of adversity.
  • Never force your lover or friends to do anything they are not comfortable doing.
  • Respect others’ boundaries.