By 
There’s a thin line between being nice and being too nice.
Being too nice often means using certain phrases that aim to please others, potentially at the cost of your own self-respect.
When you use these phrases, you might feel like you’re keeping the peace. But in reality, you’re simply allowing others to take a toll on your self-esteem.
If you want to respect yourself, it’s time to stop using these ten people-pleasing phrases. I’m going to help you identify them so you can start reclaiming your worth.
Let’s dive in, shall we?
1) “Whatever you want”
In your quest to maintain harmony, you might often find yourself saying, “whatever you want”.
While it might seem like a harmless phrase, it’s actually a breeding ground for resentment. When you constantly defer to others’ preferences, you’re silently communicating that your own desires and opinions don’t matter.
This doesn’t mean that compromise and flexibility aren’t important. They absolutely are. But, it’s crucial to strike a balance.
If you find yourself always saying “whatever you want”, pause and ask yourself what you truly want. Then, express it. Remember, your opinion matters as much as anyone else’s.
In the end, respecting yourself doesn’t mean ignoring the wants of others. It’s about acknowledging and valuing your own wants too.
It’s time to retire “whatever you want” from your vocabulary and replace it with phrases that reflect self-respect and assertiveness.
2) “I’m sorry, but…”
A few years back, I found myself overusing the phrase “I’m sorry, but…” before stating my opinion or making a request. It was as if I was apologizing for having a voice or needing something.
One day, a mentor of mine pointed it out. They asked me why I felt the need to apologize for expressing my viewpoint. It was a wake-up call.
“I’m sorry, but…” subtly communicates that I’m in the wrong for having an opinion or asking for what I need. It was a people-pleasing phrase that was sabotaging my self-respect.
I made a conscious decision to eliminate “I’m sorry, but…” from my vocabulary. Now, I express my opinions and make requests without the unnecessary preface of an apology, and it has made a world of difference in how I perceive myself and how others perceive me.
So if you catch yourself saying “I’m sorry, but…” before stating your point of view or asking for something you need, stop. Your opinions and needs are legitimate and don’t require an apology.
3) “It’s probably silly but…”
The phrase “It’s probably silly but…” is often used as a defense mechanism. By preemptively labeling our thoughts or ideas as silly, we attempt to soften the blow of potential criticism or rejection.
However, research shows that this kind of self-deprecating language can actually undermine our credibility and self-confidence. It sends a message that we don’t value our own thoughts and ideas, so why should anyone else?
Instead of denigrating your ideas before they’ve even had a chance to be heard, try presenting them with confidence. If you believe in your ideas, others are more likely to do the same.
Dropping the phrase “It’s probably silly but…” from your vocabulary could be a small but significant step towards respecting yourself and ensuring others do too.
4) “Just”
It’s a tiny word, but “just” can carry a big punch when it comes to self-devaluation.
We often use “just” as a softener, a way to make our requests or statements less direct. “I just wanted to ask if…” or “I’m just wondering whether…” – these phrases may sound familiar to you.
But here’s the thing: “just” minimizes the importance of what we’re saying. It’s like we’re apologizing for intruding or taking up space.
I challenge you to listen out for how often you use “just” in your day-to-day conversation. Try removing it and see how much stronger your sentences become.
Your thoughts and questions are important. Let them stand on their own without the diminutive “just”.
5) “Does that make sense?”
This phrase is often tacked onto the end of explanations or discussions. While it might seem like a useful way to check in with the other person, it can actually undermine your credibility.
By asking “Does that make sense?”, you’re implying that you may not have explained things clearly or competently. You’re inviting the other person to question your ability to communicate effectively.
Instead, try asking, “Do you have any questions?” or “Would you like me to go over anything else?” This shows that you’re open to further discussion without casting doubt on your own communication skills.
Remember, clear and confident communication is key to maintaining self-respect. Don’t undercut yourself with a lack of confidence in your own words.
6) “I don’t want to be a bother”
When we say “I don’t want to be a bother”, we’re often trying to show consideration for others. But what we’re really doing is diminishing our own worth.
Every person has the right to express their needs and wants. And yes, that includes you. Your needs are not a bother or an inconvenience—they’re a part of being human.
When we constantly worry about being a bother, we put others’ comfort above our own. We suppress our feelings and needs, which can lead to resentment and a loss of self-respect.
So the next time you’re tempted to say “I don’t want to be a bother”, remember: your needs are important. You deserve to have them recognized and respected, and that starts with you recognizing and respecting them yourself.
7) “I know I’m not an expert, but…”
One day, during a team meeting at work, I found myself saying, “I know I’m not an expert, but…” before sharing my thoughts on a project. The moment the words left my mouth, I regretted them. Why was I undermining my own knowledge and experience?
This phrase implies that we don’t have the necessary expertise or credibility to speak on a topic. It’s a way of belittling our own abilities and insights.
From that day forward, I decided to stop using that phrase. Instead, I started expressing my thoughts directly, without putting myself down first. It wasn’t easy at first, but with time, it became more natural.
Trust in your knowledge and skills. You have unique experiences and insights to offer. Don’t diminish them with self-deprecating qualifiers.
8) “I don’t disagree”
At first glance, “I don’t disagree” might seem like a diplomatic way of agreeing with someone. But it’s actually a roundabout way of expressing your opinion that can leave you feeling like you’ve compromised your authenticity.
When you say “I don’t disagree”, you’re essentially avoiding saying “I agree”. This can create a sense of ambiguity and make it seem like you’re not standing firm in your own beliefs.
If you agree with someone, say it outright. And if you disagree, express that too – tactfully and respectfully, of course. There’s power in expressing your thoughts and opinions clearly and confidently.
So let go of the ambivalent “I don’t disagree”. Embrace the clarity of “I agree” or “I see it differently”. It’s a subtle shift that can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself.
9) “No worries if not”
We’ve all been there: you’re asking someone for a favor or making a request, and you tack on a quick “no worries if not” to the end. It’s a way of taking the pressure off the other person, right?
But here’s the thing: when you use this phrase, you’re giving the other person an easy out before they’ve even had a chance to consider your request. You’re implying that your needs aren’t important or urgent.
Of course, it’s essential to be considerate of others’ time and resources. But it’s equally important to respect your own needs and requests.
So instead of saying “no worries if not”, try making your request confidently and directly. Give the other person a chance to respond without immediately downplaying the importance of your needs.
10) “I guess”
“I guess” is one of those phrases that we often use without thinking. It’s a way of hedging our bets, of expressing an opinion without fully committing to it. But it’s also a way of undermining our own authority and credibility.
When you say “I guess”, you’re suggesting that you’re unsure or indifferent about your own thoughts or feelings. It’s a subtle form of self-disrespect.
Your thoughts and feelings are valid and deserve to be expressed with certainty and clarity. Stand by them without the hesitant “I guess”.
Because here’s the thing: when you respect your own thoughts and feelings, others will too.
Final thoughts: The path to self-respect
Respecting yourself is not about adopting an attitude of defiance or developing a self-centered approach. It’s about acknowledging that your feelings, thoughts, and needs are just as important as those of others.
When you abandon people-pleasing phrases, you’re not just changing your vocabulary – you’re transforming your mindset. You’re choosing to value yourself in every conversation, every interaction, every decision.
Remember, language is powerful. The words you choose can either empower or diminish you.
As American philosopher and psychologist William James once said, “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”
The phrases we’ve discussed are not inherently bad; they become problematic when they’re used habitually at the expense of your self-esteem.
So the next time you catch yourself using one of these phrases, pause. Ask yourself if it’s serving you or diminishing you. Then choose your words wisely.
Because you deserve respect – from others and most importantly, from yourself.