It can be frustrating when your partner yells at you, but it’s not always a sign that things are dire.
In this article, we’ll go through 8 reasons your girlfriend is yelling at you and what to do about it.
But first, you probably want to know:
Is it normal for your girlfriend to yell at you?
According to psychologist Elliot D. Cohen Ph.D. raising your voice is a natural self-defense mode, but it can be misused.
So while it can be normal for your girlfriend to occasionally yell at you, if it is frequent, then it should be a warning sign that something is wrong in your relationship.
Cohen says that “anything in excess is usually a bad thing; this appears to be true in the case of relationships that involve a heavy dosage of screaming or yelling. By “screaming” or “yelling,” what I mean is raising one’s voice.”
The most important questions you need to ask are:
Is your girlfriend yelling at you constantly? If so, then there is likely an issue you both need to address.
And does your girlfriend have legitimate reasons to yell at you that can be rectified? If they can be rectified, then you can work on fixing them to better your relationship.
So let’s go through it.
Here are eight reasons your girlfriend is yelling at you and when it might be crossing the line.
1. She’s Trying To Communicate
Yelling might be your girlfriend’s way of trying to communicate something important to you that she’s not sure she’s saying right.
Maybe she wants to talk about something between you two that she’s still upset about.
Maybe she’s expressing a feeling that she’s having a hard time putting into words.
Maybe she’s trying to tell you something that she’s afraid to tell you any other way, like something she’s struggling with that she hopes you’ll understand.
Communication is key in any relationship, especially when you’re in a relationship with a girl who tends to be more intense or emotional.
Your girlfriend might need to yell at you sometimes just to get her feelings out and make sure you know how she’s feeling, and if you’re not sure what she’s trying to tell you, you might miss out on an important opportunity to understand her better.
You need to tell her if you’re uncomfortable with her yelling at you. Just because she communicates this way doesn’t mean it’s right.
2. She Wants To Be Heard And Seen
Sometimes a girlfriend yells at her boyfriend not because she’s upset about something in her life but because she wants him to see her and hear her.
Maybe you don’t give her much attention, so she’s hoping by yelling at you, you’ll listen to her.
Or maybe she wants to make a point, and she thinks yelling will do it better than talking.
Whatever the reason, when a girlfriend yells at her boyfriend, it’s worth asking yourself: is this something worth yelling about? Or is this just a way for her to get my attention?
If your girlfriend is yelling at you to get your attention and make you see her, then she probably just needs you to see her at that moment, and she wants you to know how she feels about something.
She doesn’t want a solution or an apology, she just wants you to know how she feels at that moment.
So ask yourself:
Do you give her attention? Do you listen to what she has to say?
If you don’t, she might feel she needs to yell to get you to listen.
The solution? Start listening to her properly and see if that makes the yelling stop.
3. She Needs To Be Respected
Sometimes a girlfriend yells at her boyfriend to show him he needs to respect her more.
Whether she’s mad about something specific between you two or just generally frustrated in life, she might need to stomp her feet and yell at you to get you to hear her and understand how she feels and what she needs from you.
If your girlfriend yells at you to let you know that you need to respect her more, then you must make that clear to her.
She needs to know that you care about her and will take her feelings seriously and make changes for the better because of them.
If she yells at you about respect, then she needs you to show her that you respect her.
4. Maybe She Also Wants You To Change Something
If your girlfriend yells at you because she wants you to change something about yourself, then maybe it’s time to take a good look at yourself and make some changes for the better.
Your girlfriend might not be yelling because she hates something about you, but because she wants you to make a change that will help both of you.
She has good intentions, even if they come across as yelling or anger. You need to see that and hear her out if that’s the case.
So ask yourself:
Do I have any annoying habits or behavior that might disrespect my girlfriend?
If you do, then you might want to consider changing them to get her to stop yelling at you.
You could even ask her, and hopefully, you can both have a rational discussion about how you can fix these behaviors.
5. She Is Angry About Something in Life, And She is Taking It Out On You
Sometimes your girlfriend will be in a bad mood and angry about many things in life, and you might be the easiest way for her to take it out.
Maybe she’s mad at her parents, friends, job, or something else in her life and just needs an outlet to let that out and make herself feel better.
If your girlfriend is mad about something else in her life and she yells at you, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you did something wrong, and it doesn’t mean that she’s mad at you.
She is likely just mad at life and taking it out on you because you are there, and she can’t do anything else with it.
Now obviously, this doesn’t make it right. You need to let her know that you don’t have anything to do with the frustrations in her life and you’re here to support her.
Talk to her about her problems and listen to what she has to say. She might calm down and realize that you’re going to support her through thick and thin.
6. Warning Sign: She Enjoys Putting You Down And Being in Control
If your girlfriend yells at you constantly, that could be a red flag that you two are in a toxic relationship.
If she seems to enjoy making you feel bad about yourself, putting you down, or if she’s constantly telling you what you’re doing wrong and making you feel like you’re not good enough, then she might be abusing you, and it needs to stop.
She might be fed up with the relationship, and this is her way to vent and put the blame on you.
If your girlfriend enjoys yelling at you and making you feel bad about yourself, or if she likes to insult you or control you and make you feel like you can’t stand up for yourself, then she might be a toxic person who is emotionally abusing you. If that is the case, you might want to break up with her as soon as possible.
After all, this is never okay. If you’re in a relationship like this, you need to learn how to stand up for yourself, tell her that this isn’t okay, and end it with her as soon as possible.
If you can’t relate to any other reason for why she could be yelling at you, and she seems to feel happier when she puts you down, then it’s a clear sign that she is a toxic person, and you’re probably better off without her.
7. She thinks she owns you
Maybe she thinks that you’re dependent on her and she can do whatever she wants with you.
In other words, she has marked her territory on her, and she thinks she owns you. Marking one’s territory isn’t just a phenomenon for men.
Often, people in abusive relationships think that they own their partner and have the right to control them, tell them how to feel, what they can and can’t do, and basically keep them around only because they want to.
You need to tell your girlfriend that that is not okay clearly. She needs to stop telling you that you need her as your source of happiness and security.
She needs to know that you can handle your own emotions, thoughts, and actions and that she doesn’t have the right to make all of your decisions for you if she’s not a part of them.
You need to let her know that you both have your own individualized life. You don’t “own” each other. You’re a human being with your wants and needs.
It’s important to let her know that it’s important sometimes to have space from each other. You can’t be in contact 24/7. That isn’t healthy. Each partner needs to live their own life. She needs to know this if she is a clingy girlfriend.
Love that is about possession is not true love. Love is about mutual respect, understanding, and support.
If she’s treating you like possession and not like a human being, then she will never truly love you. This is something that most women who yell at their boyfriends have to learn the hard way.
8. She Might Be Jealous Or Insecure About Someone
What is the real reason she is yelling? What is it that she’s jealous about?
Maybe she’s jealous of someone else because they spend time with you, or she’s insecure and thinks you’re cheating on her.
Whatever it is, she needs to get it out of her, and you need to try to resolve it with her. She can’t keep yelling at you if she can’t get whatever it is out of her.
Don’t Put up with Her Bullying You!
No matter what, don’t put up with your girlfriend being abusive or controlling towards you.
It’s not good for your self-esteem, and it will make you second-guess yourself. Don’t allow her to yell at you because it makes you feel bad about yourself. You have the right to stand up for yourself.
If it goes on for too long, you might consider breaking up with her.
It doesn’t matter if she’s your girlfriend or not; it’s never okay for someone to yell at you and make you feel bad about yourself.
If your girlfriend is yelling at you and bullying you, speak up to her and take responsibility for your life.
It sucks when your girlfriend is yelling at you, but if you feel like it’s crossing the line, you need to talk honestly with her. This is important because you can’t allow an abusive person to continue to yell at you.
If she’s yelling at you for something you did, take responsibility and talk to her about it. Why does she feel so angry? Is there anything that she can do or change?
You need to help her understand why she is upset and ensure that she’s okay.
If your girlfriend doesn’t stop the yelling, you have every right to leave the relationship as long as it’s mutually parting.
But You Also Need to Look Inward and Correct Your Mistakes
But if she is yelling at you for a legitimate reason, you need to own it and remedy the situation.
Try to fix the issue that she is yelling at you for, and then you might find that she calms down, and you have a better relationship.
But if she continues being abusive or controlling, you need to talk to her about it and resolve the situation as soon as possible.
Tell her that you are not okay with this and that she needs to stop yelling at you. If she doesn’t listen and keeps yelling at you, then it’s okay for you to leave the relationship as long as it’s a mutual parting way.