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Being calm and composed on the outside while going through a storm inside is a reality for many men. They appear cool, but underneath, they’re in survival mode, constantly fighting unseen battles.
This duality can be tough to spot, but there are specific behaviors these men tend to exhibit. I’m going to share with you eight such behaviors that can help you understand this dynamic better.
Let’s delve into the hidden world of these silent warriors.
1) They’re masters of disguise
There’s an art to keeping your emotions under wraps, and these men have perfected it.
Men who are calm on the surface but in survival mode underneath are often incredibly talented at masking their true feelings. They’ve developed this skill as a survival mechanism – to navigate through life without revealing their internal struggles.
This doesn’t mean they’re cold or distant. On the contrary, they can be some of the most empathetic and understanding individuals you’ll come across. They’re adept at maintaining composed exterior, while internally, they may be dealing with a whirlwind of emotions.
It’s like they’re actors in their own lives, playing the part of the unfazed protagonist. But behind the scenes, they’re tirelessly battling their own challenges.
Recognizing this trait can help you better understand and support these men in your life. Remember though, it’s essential to approach with sensitivity and respect for their privacy.
2) They can be overly self-reliant
In my own experiences, I’ve noticed that these men tend to rely heavily on themselves. They’re the kind of people who’ll insist on carrying a heavy load alone, even when others offer to help.
I recall a friend of mine, John. He was always the one you could count on to help with anything, from moving furniture to picking you up from the airport at 3 am. But when he needed help, he would seldom ask for it.
John was calm and composed on the outside, but he had personal issues that he was dealing with. He felt the need to carry his burdens alone, to not burden others with his problems. This self-reliance was his survival mechanism.
Over time, I realized that offering help wasn’t enough. I had to insist and show him that it’s okay to lean on others sometimes. It’s a lesson we can all take when dealing with men who display similar behavior.
3) They often have a high tolerance for stress
While it seems counterintuitive, men who are calm on the surface but in survival mode underneath often demonstrate an impressive ability to handle stress. They’ve developed this resilience as a means to cope with the constant internal turmoil they experience.
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals who regularly suppress their emotions tend to have a higher threshold for stress. This doesn’t mean they’re immune to the effects of stress. Rather, they’ve become so used to managing it that they can operate effectively even under significant pressure.
Understanding this trait can provide insight into their capacity to endure and persist, even when faced with challenging situations. It’s a testament to their strength, albeit one born out of necessity.
4) They value solitude
Solitude can be a sanctuary for men who are calm on the surface but in survival mode underneath. They often value their alone time and use it as a chance to recharge and regroup.
This doesn’t mean they’re antisocial or introverted. They may enjoy socializing and be quite outgoing. Yet, they also understand the importance of taking time for themselves, to process their thoughts and cope with their internal battles.
They might take long walks, spend hours reading, or engage in solitary hobbies. While it may seem like they’re just enjoying some downtime, this solitude is often a critical part of their survival strategy.
Recognizing this need for solitude can help us respect their space and support them in their journey.
5) They show empathy towards others
It’s a truly beautiful trait to see – men who, despite their internal battles, exude an exceptional level of empathy towards others. They may be in survival mode themselves, but they often have a profound understanding and sensitivity to the pain and struggles of those around them.
Maybe it’s because they understand what it’s like to carry a burden, to fight a silent battle. This understanding allows them to extend a level of compassion and empathy that can be deeply comforting to those on the receiving end.
If you ever meet a man who is calm on the surface but dealing with so much underneath, and yet still takes the time to lend an ear, offer a shoulder, or share a kind word, appreciate that. It’s a heartwarming display of strength and humanity that should never be taken for granted.
6) They’re experts at redirecting conversations
One thing I’ve noticed about men who are calm on the surface but in survival mode underneath is how skilled they are at diverting conversations away from themselves. They’re experts at subtly shifting the focus of a conversation – a skill I’ve had to master myself.
If you ask them about their day or how they’re feeling, they might give a brief, non-committal answer before quickly turning the conversation back to you. They’ll ask about your day, your worries, your joys – anything to steer the conversation away from their own struggles.
It’s not that they don’t want to share or connect; it’s more that they’ve become so accustomed to dealing with their battles alone that opening up feels unfamiliar, even uncomfortable. It’s a survival tactic, a way of keeping their vulnerabilities hidden. But understanding this behavior can help us approach them with more patience and empathy.
7) They’re resilient and adaptable
Men who are calm on the surface but in survival mode underneath are often remarkably resilient and adaptable. They’ve learned to roll with the punches life throws at them, adapting to situations and bouncing back from setbacks with a quiet determination.
This resilience can sometimes be mistaken for indifference or aloofness, but it’s far from that. It’s a survival skill, honed over time, allowing them to navigate through life’s challenges without letting them disrupt their external calm.
Recognizing this resilience can help us better appreciate their strength and tenacity, even when they’re dealing with internal battles we may not fully understand.
8) They need understanding, not pity
The most crucial thing to remember about men who are calm on the surface but in survival mode underneath is that they need understanding, not pity. They don’t want to be seen as victims or treated with kid gloves. They crave empathy, respect, and space to navigate their struggles in their own way.
Just knowing that someone understands and respects their journey can be a huge source of comfort and support. So let’s aim to be that source of understanding for them.
Final thoughts: It’s a silent battle
The complexity of human behavior never ceases to amaze. And the men we’ve discussed – those who are calm on the surface but in survival mode underneath – are no exception.
The internal battles they fight are often invisible to the outside world, making their journey all the more challenging. They’ve learned to cope, to adapt, to survive – all while maintaining a calm exterior that belies their inner turmoil.
It’s important to remember that these men don’t need our pity or our attempts to ‘fix’ them. What they need is understanding, empathy, and respect for their struggle.
So next time you encounter a man who appears calm on the surface, take a moment to consider what might be happening underneath. Because understanding begins with awareness. And awareness can pave the way for empathy, connection, and ultimately, support.
Let’s be there for these silent warriors, offering them our understanding and respect as they navigate their unique journey.