By 
My old man used to say, “Son, it’s not what you hold on to, but what you let go of that determines your future.”
And you know what, he had it spot on. There are certain things that we men, often unknowingly, cling onto. And while they might seem harmless, or maybe even comforting in their familiarity, they can end up chaining us down.
In this article, we’re going to shed some light on seven such things that might be holding you back from moving forward in life.
Let’s dive in.
1) The past
We’ve all been there.
That time we messed up or missed out on something big. It’s easy to get stuck replaying those moments in our minds. But here’s the catch. While it’s crucial to learn from our past, dwelling on it can be a real progress-killer.
If you’re forever looking back, how can you see what’s ahead? Past mistakes and failures can serve as valuable lessons, but they should never become a life sentence.
2) The familiar
Change can be unsettling, even downright scary. Yet, it’s an inevitable part of life and growth. For many men, the fear of change can be a significant barrier to progress.
I remember my own struggle with change when I first moved abroad. The idea of leaving everything familiar behind was daunting. My job, my friends, the comfort of knowing my surroundings—all were anchors that kept me grounded. But they were also chains that held me back from new opportunities and personal growth.
When I finally took the plunge, it was anything but smooth. There were moments of doubt and fear, times when I questioned my decision. But looking back now, I realize that embracing change was one of the best decisions I ever made. It opened up new career paths, led to meaningful relationships, and provided experiences that enriched my life in ways I never imagined.
Are you holding on to the status quo because it’s comfortable? If so, it’s time to rethink your approach. Change can be scary, but it’s also a powerful catalyst for growth. Embrace it, and you might find that the future holds more for you than the past ever could.
3) Grudges
Ah, grudges. I’ve had my fair share of those, I can tell you.
There was this one time, years back when my best friend and I had a massive falling out. He made a mistake, I got hurt. For years, that grudge sat heavily in my heart, poisoning my thoughts and weighing me down.
But one day, I realized something. That grudge wasn’t hurting my friend; it was hurting me. It was stopping me from moving forward and enjoying my life. And so, I made the choice to let it go. And let me tell you, the relief and freedom that followed was something else.
Are you carrying around old grudges? If so, it’s time to drop them. They’re not doing you any favors; in fact, they’re likely doing the exact opposite.
Forgiveness isn’t about the other person; it’s about setting yourself free.
4) External validation
Do you often find yourself seeking approval from others to feel good about yourself?
Seeking external validation is a common pitfall that many men fall into. It’s the idea that your worth and success are determined by the approval and recognition of others. This can manifest in various ways, such as striving for accolades at work, constantly seeking praise from peers, or obsessing over social media likes and comments.
I used to be caught in this trap myself. In my early career, I was fixated on getting recognition from my bosses and colleagues. Every decision I made, every project I took on, was driven by a need to be acknowledged and validated by others. It was exhausting and, frankly, unsustainable. No matter how much praise I received, it was never enough. There was always a bigger project, a higher accolade, or more approval to chase.
The turning point came when I realized that true satisfaction and confidence come from within. It’s about setting your own standards and goals and measuring your success by your own criteria. When you rely on external validation, you’re essentially giving others control over your self-worth and happiness. It’s a never-ending cycle that can lead to constant stress and dissatisfaction.
Does this sound like you? If so, it’s time to shift your focus inward. Learn to value and validate yourself based on your own beliefs and standards. This internal validation is far more fulfilling and stable, and it empowers you to live life on your own terms, free from the constant need for external approval.
5) Perfectionism
Perfectionism is another sneaky barrier that can hold men back from moving forward in life. The relentless pursuit of flawlessness can lead to procrastination, stress, and an overwhelming fear of failure.
The key to overcoming it is embracing the concept of “good enough.” Understand that perfection is an unattainable goal and that striving for it can prevent you from making progress. Instead, aim for excellence and continuous improvement. Accept that mistakes and imperfections are part of the learning process and can actually lead to growth and innovation.
Learning to let go of perfectionism means acknowledging that done is better than perfect. It allows you to take action, make progress, and learn from the experience. By setting realistic standards and being kind to yourself, you can achieve more and feel more fulfilled.
6) Comparisons
Have you ever found yourself scrolling through social media, feeling a twinge of envy at someone else’s seemingly perfect life?
The comparison game is one of the most insidious traps men can fall into. In our hyper-connected world, it’s all too easy to compare your life, achievements, and even your appearance to those of others. This habit can lead to feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, and chronic dissatisfaction.
The truth is, social media presents a curated highlight reel, not the full picture. Everyone has struggles and setbacks that they don’t broadcast. Constantly comparing yourself to others is a surefire way to undermine your self-worth and derail your progress.
Breaking free from this comparison cycle involves shifting your focus from others to yourself. Celebrate your own achievements, no matter how small they might seem. Set personal goals based on your values and aspirations, not on what others are doing. When you focus on your own journey, you’ll find more satisfaction and pride in your accomplishments.
7) The need to do everything alone
Last but not least, many men grow up with the notion that asking for help is a sign of weakness. This belief can lead to the mentality that you need to do everything by yourself, which can be incredibly isolating and overwhelming.
I fell into this trap early in my career. Whether it was a tough project at work or a personal issue, I felt compelled to handle it on my own. I thought that by solving problems independently, I was proving my strength and capability. However, this approach often left me stressed, burnt out, and feeling isolated.
What I eventually learned is that seeking help doesn’t signify weakness—it’s a smart and strategic move. Collaboration and support from others can provide new perspectives, ideas, and solutions that you might not have considered on your own. Moreover, sharing your burdens can lighten the load and strengthen your relationships with those around you.
Building a support network is crucial. Whether it’s colleagues, friends, family, or mentors, having people you can turn to for advice, assistance, and encouragement can make a significant difference in your journey. Embracing teamwork and collaboration can lead to more efficient problem-solving and a more fulfilling life.
In conclusion
If you’ve found yourself nodding along to these points, don’t worry. You’re not alone. We’ve all been there at some stage.
But remember this – you have the power to change.
Begin by acknowledging these attachments. Awareness is the first step towards transformation. Spot the patterns, identify the triggers, and understand their impact on your life.
Now, ask yourself – are these attachments serving you? Or are they holding you back?
The path to progress isn’t always smooth sailing. It requires courage to let go and embrace change. It’s about stepping out of your comfort zone and facing uncertainties head-on.
And yes, it’s going to be uncomfortable at first. Change usually is. But as the saying goes, “The only way out is through.”
Here’s to letting go of what no longer serves us and embracing what propels us forward.