Money can be a tricky commodity to handle in relationships.
It can certainly become a bone of contention when a girl you like asks you for more money than you can afford to lend.
While there’s nothing wrong with helping a close friend or your significant other out when they are in a financial pickle, it’s equally important to not drown in the process.
You need to know where the lines are drawn.
It’s inexcusable for her to guilt-trip, coerce or pressure you into lending her money all the time.
Your money is just as important as hers, and you shouldn’t encourage her to make it a habit.
Here are a few things you can do when she asks you for money:
1) Try to Find Out if She Genuinely Needs the Money
It’s important to not jump to conclusions before hearing her out.
Ask the right questions without becoming confrontational to try to find out if the reason she’s asking for money seems genuine.
Don’t lash out at her or shut her out completely. If she has a new fundraiser, business idea, revolutionary project or a financial emergency, then she might really need the money.
However, it’s not a great look on her part if she’s asking you for money to go on a shopping spree or if she has an unhealthy habit.
Try to empathize with her to understand her emotional and mental state of mind, before throwing any accusations at her.
2) Don’t Let Her Use You as Her ATM
It’s important that you know your worth and don’t let her use you as her ATM every time she needs money for something.
She can’t walk up to you and ask you for money just to buy the latest dress in the market.
Think about it: She was perfectly capable of being financially independent of you before you came into her life and she can definitely survive without you serving as a never-ending source of money for her wallet.
If you’re going to go out on a date with her, don’t spend too much on the date itself.
She’s probably using you for money or taking advantage of your generosity if she’s constantly talking about money or complaining about the restaurant not being “fancy”.
It might be a red flag in the relationship that may require you to determine if she’s only using you for the money.
3) Stay Away if She Has a Boyfriend (P.S She’s Using You)
A girl who asks you for money when she has a boyfriend is a recipe for emotional hurt on your end.
It’s rare for a girl to like you when she has a boyfriend, anyway.
She might be aware of the fact that you have developed feelings for her and may be trying to take advantage of that fact to get money from you.
She might even try to manipulate your feelings and emotions to get you to lend her the money.
It’s best to stay away and run in the opposite direction in such situations.
This is because she has a more important person in her life who she can turn to for money if she really needs it.
It either means her boyfriend refused to lend her the money (probably with good reason) or she doesn’t want to spend his money.
In either case, she’s just using you and you need to understand that you deserve better.
4) Lend Her the Money if You Can Afford It, and She Really Needs It
Lending her the money is also an option that you can do on rare occasions if she’s a really close and special friend.
If you feel like she desperately needs the money and you can afford it, then you can give it to her as a gift or a loan.
Helping her out in a genuine crisis is never wrong unless she only comes to you to ask for money.
If she’s a special person in your life and you both love each other, turning her away isn’t a great solution when she needs help.
Ask your heart and your mind whether she needs the money.
Paying off her loans or buying her something always can be loving gestures but it’s important to keep in mind that it can be a slippery slope if it gets out of hand.
5) Don’t Let It Become a Habit
This ties in with the previous point in the sense that while it’s okay to lend money to a friend or partner in need, you must never let it become a habit.
The first step is to see if she treats the money you give her as a loan or as a gift. This should determine if you will lend her money again in the future.
Let her know that while you’re happy to help her in her time of need, coming to you for money should be an absolute last resort.
If you encourage the habit of lending her money, then you may have to prepare yourself to be burnt by the relationship because she will never know where your financial boundaries exist.
Make her understand your own financial situation and tell her that you can’t lend her money all the time as you have your own financial commitments.
6) Learn to Say No Politely
You need to understand that sometimes standing your ground and saying no to her request for money.
It’s best to never lend money when you can’t afford it and know your own financial limits.
The first step on that road is learning to say no politely without shaming her for asking you for money.
You can apologize and claim that you aren’t in a situation where you can lend her money.
Try to be clear and concise when turning them down as beating around the bush may confuse her or may result in you lending money when you were trying to say no. Be firm but also considerate.
It’s best to maintain your boundaries and don’t let her arguments persuade you into blurring the lines if you have decided you aren’t going to lend her the money.
7) Empower Her With Opportunities
Declining to lend them money directly doesn’t mean you can’t help her out with her situation.
You can empower her by opening up opportunities for her that can help her sustain herself.
As the famous saying goes: “Buy him a fish, you teach him to eat; teach him to fish, you teach him to live on his own.”
She may not be too pleased in the short run, but will definitely appreciate your efforts in the long run.
You can use your credit score to open up a line of credit for her at a bank you know or you can become an equity investor in her business to help her build the career of her dreams.
Alternatively, if she’s looking for a job, you can try to get her one at your business and help her grow financially.
By helping her out without lending money, she will value your input and also know the importance of saving money.
9) Have Conversations About the Financial Stability of the Relationship
Talking about money with your partner can be a tricky and difficult topic to discuss.
However, it’s important to have these discussions and conversations about the financial stability of the relationship.
Sit down and talk to her about the financial commitments both of you need to fulfill.
It’s important to have this chat before the next time she comes to you for money.
If she’s your partner then you can discuss the financial details and make her understand that constantly lending her money can jeopardize the financial position of both of you.
You can let her see that there needs to be a balance in the relationship. One way to achieve this can be to agree on a money lending policy that both of you should respect.
This can be something like setting a predetermined limit on the number of times she can borrow money from you in a year.
10) Set Clear Financial Goals and Budgets for Both of You to Grow
Another thing you can do when she asks you for money is to set clear financial goals and budgets for the two of you.
You can even serve as the financial advisor for each other by helping each other make smarter investment decisions when it comes to money.
Setting aside an amount of money to be given to her if she asks for it at the start of the year can also help you tackle these situations.
If you’re married to her, you can open a joint account where you and her agree to put all your savings from each month without spending it.
This can be a rewarding experience that can strengthen the relationship as you’re helping each other grow and creating a balanced financial system within the relationship.
You can even spoil each other with surprise gifts after hitting certain financial milestones.