11 reasons girls go quiet when they like you (and what to do about it)

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When I was dating back in the day, I had a massive problem with this.

I’d go on a few dates with a girl.

We’d get along well.

Things seem to be progressing.

Then, suddenly, she’d go quiet.

My mind would race. I’d wonder what I did wrong and whether or not I’d made a fool of myself.

Sometimes I wondered if she was just being polite, and really didn’t like me at all.

But the truth is:

There are a host of reasons why girls go quiet when they like you, and not all of them are your fault.

Here are a few reasons why she might be quiet and reserved despite being interested in pursuing you as a romantic partner:

1) She May Be Naturally Shy

It might be possible that her natural response to having strong feelings for you is to venture inward; this may result in her being quiet around you even if she likes you a lot.

She may be too shy to start a conversation with you after she has realized she likes you.

By observing her body language, you can guess if a girl is shy about her feelings towards you.

Does she struggle to look you in the eye? Is she fidgety? Does she seem nervous?

If so, she may have gone quiet because she doesn’t dare to talk to you.

After all, nerves aren’t exactly fun to deal with, and that’s why she is avoiding you.

But it’s not that she doesn’t like you; it just means she gets nervous around you.

She doesn’t want to trip up and seem silly in front of someone she likes.

To get past this, you need to make her feel comfortable. Build rapport. Don’t judge and get to know her.

She’ll naturally open up and talk more when she feels more comfortable around you.

2) She May Not Know How to Approach the Topic With You

Having feelings for someone and wanting to get into a romantic relationship might be new to her.

She might feel uncertain about how you might react.

After all, she might not even be sure that you like her.

Plus, it’s usually the man (at least initially) who directs what you will talk about in a conversation.

So she may also not know how to discuss the topic with you in a casual conversation.

She might even avoid eye contact with you as she searches for the right words to express her feelings.

This is not a bad thing. It shows that she is thoughtful and considerate. This bodes well for the future between the two of you.

She doesn’t want to say the wrong thing and create a misunderstanding or hurt you.

The best way to get her to open up is by sparking a random and funny conversation to ease her nerves.

Also, make sure to listen non-judgmentally to everything she says. Be a good listener.

When she realizes she can trust you, she’ll more likely express her feelings.

3) She May Think That It’s Too Soon to Let You Know How She Feels

She may go quiet around you when she likes you because she thinks it’s too soon to talk about feelings and relationships.

In fact, it’s pretty standard for girls to be quiet around the people they truly love.

She might be thinking about you all the time, and she gets flustered when she’s face to face with you.

It could also be that she’s afraid of getting hurt after committing to you.

A great way to get her to open up in these situations is to playfully tease her or do something that will remind her of why she likes you in the first place.

This will make her realize what matters to her, and she will tell you what she wants.

4) She May Think Her Feelings Are Temporary

Feelings are a tricky yet powerful thing.

It can cause you to feel butterflies in your stomach and disappear entirely later in life.

She might not understand the depth of her emotions for you and feel like her feelings for you’re only temporary.

She doesn’t want to rush into something that might only be a chemical reaction.

She likes you a lot but needs time to come to that realization.

Pressuring her or coercing her into dating you prematurely might be a recipe for disaster.

Just give her the time she needs to process her emotions to come to you on her own accord.

Not only will this make her feel valued and respected, but it will also give her the feeling that her happiness is her choice.

5) She Has Trust Issues With You (Or With Herself)

Trust issues are one of the most common reasons for a girl to be cautious about committing to someone.

She may not want to get hurt if you betray her after she trusts you with her feelings.

She may have gotten scarred in the past and is now afraid of building a future with you where you make her regret her choices.

She might not be in a place in her life where she’s ready to trust a guy with her heart. Maybe she just got out of a relationship.

Another possibility is that her trust issues may not have anything to do with you.

She might have low self-esteem and may not even be able to trust herself.

She doesn’t trust her own thoughts and therefore isn’t sure of what she feels for you.

Her experiences may cause her to believe that life is too unpredictable for her to say that she likes you confidently.

She still likes you but hides it because she needs time to trust herself by getting into a relationship with you.

6) She May Be Insecure and Feel Unworthy

Most girls become quiet and never confess their feelings for the people they like because they feel unworthy of love.

She might be drowning in her insecurities and doesn’t want to take you down with her issues.

She may even hide her insecurities from you because she’s afraid you may not like her if she shows her vulnerable sides.

These insecurities might be personal, financial, or even based on their body image.

She might hold back because she’s preoccupied with not making a bad impression on you.

You can’t force her to love you when she’s unable to love herself.

The best thing you can do is be yourself and love her unconditionally.

Be a high-value man, so she knows you will be there for her when it matters the most.

7) She Might Be Afraid of Rejection

A huge reason girls become quiet after developing feelings for someone is their fear of rejection.

She genuinely wants to be there for you and be your partner but isn’t sure of how you feel about her.

She might be worried that her feelings may not be reciprocated if she confesses to you.

It’s also possible that she likes the flowery nature of the relationship in the present and doesn’t want to complicate things by making it into something more serious.

She will avoid any topics that may bring up her emotions and might even go to great lengths to bottle them up inside of herself.

In some cases, she might feel like you won’t understand her or fall in love with an idea of her.

You need to reassure her that you’re more than capable of handling her emotions and want to build something special with her.

8) She May Give You Mixed Signals to See How You Feel About Her

Girls tend to be cautious about opening up about their emotions.

This is why it might appear like she is leading you on.

She may be extremely warm and inviting when she first meets you but slowly pull away as her feelings for you grow stronger.

This pattern of giving you mixed signals is generally a test to see if you notice that she’s pulling away and how you react to her lack of interest.

In short, she wants to see if you feel about her the way she feels about you.

Playing hard-to-get is the oldest trick in the book, and she will surely shower you with her attention when you’re willing to chase after her.

It’s just her way of telling you that she’s interested in you and wants to make sure you feel the same way about her.

9) She Has Other Things in Her Life That Require Her Attention

Timing and understanding are extremely important for building a stable, long-term relationship.

It just might be that she doesn’t have the time for a relationship because other things require her attention at the moment.

This might be a family issue, a personal crisis, an intensive work environment, or an important project.

She doesn’t want her feelings for you to distract her from her goals but may not know precisely how to tell you that she needs time.

Giving her the time to focus on herself and being supportive while she takes care of the things in her life will give her the confidence that she can count on you to have her back.

It can also be a great way to work together to help each other grow.

10) She May Want to Keep Her Options Open

While on the surface, she might have feelings for you, she may also feel the same way about a few other guys in her life.

She might just be using you and other men as an ego boost.

She may need time to weigh her options before she can commit to you entirely.

It’s also possible she doesn’t feel ready to settle down in life yet and wants some more time to focus on herself.

She may also not be willing to confess her feelings for you and commit to you because she still isn’t entirely over an ex-lover.

While you can wait for her to be ready, you need to know that you deserve someone who doesn’t see you as a second option, someone who doesn’t have reservations about dating you and loves you unconditionally.

11) She doesn’t actually like you

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it would be remiss not to mention this one.

While the above reasons may be on the money, it is also possible that she doesn’t like you, either.

And that could be the reason she has gone quiet.

Some girls are experts at hiding their true feelings, and even though you think she was interested, it’s possible that you’ve read the signs wrong.

After all, sexual overperception bias is a thing.

This means that men sometimes think women are hitting on them when they are just being friendly.

So take a step back and think about how she has really treated you. Think about whether you have misread the signals.

Look, maybe she is afraid of getting hurt and doesn’t want to enter into a relationship with anyone.

You can also check our article on 25 undeniable signs a girl likes you during conversation and ask yourself if she has shown these signs when you were on a date with her.

What to do when a girl goes quiet on you

Okay, so now you know the potential reasons she has gone quiet on you, the next question is:

What should you do about it?

The first thing to do is to relax and not panic.

Don’t send her an emotional text asking why she hasn’t responded to you. That will just make things worse.

Take a chill pill and gather yourself.

Once you’ve given it a few days, it’s time to contact her.

Send her a text that looks something like this:

“Hey Jess, how has your week been? Did you give the big presentation you told me about at work?”

Keep it positive and ignore that she might not have contacted you for a while.

Now, I’ll admit, if this was me and she didn’t respond to the above text after going quiet, I’d probably leave it be.

But John Anthony has an alternative method on his Youtube channel you can try.

Here it is:

Step 1) Give her at least 12 hours to respond.

Step 2) If no response, send this message: “?”.

Step 3) If she still hasn’t responded 12 hours later, send this text: “The award of best texter goes to…”

Step 4) If she still hasn’t responded, you simply ask her, “Why are you ignoring.”

If she doesn’t respond after these four steps, then it’s pretty apparent why she has gone quiet on you:

She’s just not interested in you.

If that’s the case, no worries. There is plenty of fish in the sea.

In the meantime, work on becoming a better man by reading these 12 Must-Read Books For Young Men

If you become the best man you can be, you’ll be able to meet girls much better suited to you.