By 
We often think we know people, but do we really? Especially when it comes to men, who are often taught to hide their feelings.
Many men seem perfectly fine on the outside. They smile, laugh, and engage in conversations just like everyone else. But underneath, they’re struggling, carrying burdens they don’t share.
These men usually exhibit ten subtle behaviors that hint at their internal turmoil. It’s not about prying or diagnosing, but about understanding and supporting.
Let’s delve into these ten behaviors to better understand the hidden struggles of men who may appear fine on the surface.
1) Avoidance of emotional topics
Men, in many societies, are often conditioned to be the sturdy backbone, the rock that doesn’t crumble. Emotional vulnerability isn’t typically encouraged.
This can lead men, who are struggling internally, to avoid discussions that might reveal their emotional state. It’s their way of maintaining the facade of being “fine” while battling their inner turmoil.
They’ll smoothly change the subject or offer brief, non-revealing answers when conversations veer towards their feelings or personal issues. It’s not because they’re uncaring or uninterested; it’s a defense mechanism, a way to keep their pain hidden.
Understanding this behavior can help us provide the support they need, without pushing them into uncomfortable territory. But remember – it’s about support and understanding, not forcing them to open up before they’re ready.
2) Overcompensating generosity
This one hits closer to home. A close friend of mine, let’s call him Mike, was always the most generous guy in our group. He’d insist on picking up the tab at every outing, and he was always there to lend a hand when anyone needed help.
On the surface, Mike seemed like the happiest among us. We all admired his selflessness and generosity. But as I got to know him better, I realized that his constant need to give was a mask for his deep-seated feelings of inadequacy.
Mike felt that by being overly generous, he could maintain an image of happiness and contentment while distracting us—and perhaps himself—from his inner struggles.
Looking back, I wish I had seen it sooner. It wasn’t about the grand gestures or constant generosity. It was about understanding that sometimes, those who give the most are battling their own demons underneath.
3) Sudden changes in habits or routines
We’re all creatures of habit. Morning coffee, a specific route to work, Friday night pizza; our lives are filled with routines. But when men are dealing with internal struggles, these habits can suddenly change.
They may start waking up earlier or later than usual, their appetite might decrease or increase dramatically, or they might suddenly lose interest in activities they once loved. The fascinating part? Psychologists suggest that these changes often serve as coping mechanisms to deal with emotional distress.
It’s not always easy to spot these changes, especially if they’re gradual. But paying attention to them can provide valuable insights into their mental state and offer us an opportunity to provide the support they need.
4) Increased isolation
We all need our alone time, a moment to recharge and re-center ourselves. But there’s a significant difference between appreciating solitude and using it as a shield.
Men who are struggling internally often withdraw from social activities. They may start spending more time alone and might decline invitations more frequently. It’s not that they don’t enjoy the company of others – it’s just that isolation can feel like a safer space when they are dealing with inner turmoil.
This shift towards isolation can be challenging to navigate for those around them. The key is to respect their need for space while letting them know you’re there for them, ready to lend an ear when they’re ready to talk.
5) Increased irritability or aggression
Patience can wear thin when someone is grappling with internal issues. Things that would normally slide can suddenly become major annoyances. This irritability can sometimes escalate into uncharacteristic aggression.
These emotional outbursts are usually more about what’s happening inside them than the situation at hand. It’s an external manifestation of their internal struggle, a cry for help disguised as anger or annoyance.
Remember, showing empathy and understanding can go a long way. It’s not about tolerating unacceptable behavior, but rather recognizing these signs as potential indicators of a deeper issue needing attention.
6) Masking pain with humor
Laughter can be the best medicine, but sometimes, it’s also a mask for pain. This is especially true for men who are dealing with internal struggles.
They’ll be the life of the party, always ready with a joke or a funny story. They use humor as a way to deflect attention away from their pain and keep their struggles hidden. It’s their way of saying, “I’m okay,” even when they’re not.
It’s heartbreaking to think that behind every laugh might be a plea for help. But recognizing this behavior can help us provide the support and understanding they need, even when they’re not ready to ask for it themselves.
7) Difficulty sleeping
Sleep and I have always had a complicated relationship. There are nights when sleep comes easily, and then there are nights when it seems to evade me, leaving me staring at the ceiling.
This restless tossing and turning is something many men experiencing internal struggles can relate to. Their minds are often filled with thoughts, worries, and fears that refuse to quiet down, leading to sleepless nights or broken sleep patterns.
This lack of restful sleep can further exacerbate their struggles, creating a vicious cycle. Recognizing this sign can help us empathize with their situation and provide much-needed understanding and support.
8) Unusual bursts of energy
When we think of someone struggling internally, we often picture a withdrawn, low-energy individual. But that’s not always the case.
Sometimes, men dealing with internal turmoil might exhibit sudden, uncharacteristic bursts of energy. They may embark on new projects, take up intensive hobbies, or dramatically increase their work pace.
At first glance, this might seem like a positive development. But often, it’s an attempt to distract themselves from their inner struggles. By keeping busy, they hope to outrun their demons, at least for a while.
Understanding this behavior allows us to see beyond the surface and offer support even when it seems like they’re doing “just fine”.
9) Overindulgence in substances
We all have our vices, a glass of wine here, a piece of chocolate there. But men who are internally struggling may start to overindulge in substances as a means of temporary escape.
This could be an increased intake of alcohol, smoking more than usual, or even indulging in illicit substances. It’s an attempt to numb the pain, to find solace in the brief respite these substances offer.
It’s crucial to approach this sign with empathy and understanding, rather than judgment. Offering support and encouraging healthier coping mechanisms can make a significant difference.
10) Neglecting self-care
When men are battling internal struggles, the concept of self-care often takes a backseat. They may neglect their physical health, ignore personal grooming, or disregard their emotional well-being.
This neglect of self-care is not due to laziness or lack of concern. It’s a reflection of their internal state, a sign that they’re so consumed by their struggles that taking care of themselves feels like an insurmountable task.
Recognizing this behavior and offering support can be a lifeline for these men. But remember, the ultimate goal is to help them realize that they deserve the same care and attention they give to others.
Final thoughts: It’s about understanding, not judgement
Behind the facade of every seemingly fine man might be a world of internal struggles. It’s not always easy to spot these struggles, and even when we do, understanding them can be a challenge.
But here’s something to remember: According to the World Health Organization, close to 800,000 people die due to suicide every year – that’s one person every 40 seconds. And suicide rates are nearly four times higher in men than in women.
These figures are not meant to alarm but to emphasize the gravity of mental health issues men often silently grapple with. Recognizing the subtle behaviors we’ve discussed can be the first step towards providing the understanding and support these men need.
Each one of us has a role to play in creating a society where men feel comfortable expressing their vulnerabilities without fear of judgement or ridicule. So, the next time you encounter a man who seems fine on the surface, remember these signs and ask yourself: Is he really okay?
Remember, it’s not just about spotting these signs; it’s about responding with empathy, understanding, and unconditional support. Because everyone, regardless of gender, deserves a safe space to express their feelings and seek help when needed.