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For some people, no matter how much they achieve, acquire, or experience, true contentment remains just out of reach. Why? Well often, it’s not about circumstances or luck—it’s about the behaviors and mindsets they unknowingly hold onto.
In this post, we’ll explore five common behaviors that can quietly keep people stuck in cycles of dissatisfaction. Recognizing these habits is the first step toward breaking free and creating a life filled with genuine peace and fulfillment.
Let’s dive right in.
1. Comparing oneself to others
Have you ever found yourself scrolling through social media, looking at someone’s seemingly perfect life, and feeling like you’re falling short? Maybe it’s their career, their relationship, or even the way they spend their weekends.
We’ve all been there. Social media, for all its benefits, has essentially become a 24/7 comparison machine. And while a little inspiration can be healthy, constant comparisons can rob us of contentment and self-worth.
The truth is, comparing ourselves to others is like comparing apples to oranges. What we see is often a carefully curated highlight reel, not the full picture of someone’s life. We’re not seeing their struggles, insecurities, or the behind-the-scenes mess that everyone has.
The solution?
As advised by clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson in his bestselling book, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos : “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.”
When we focus on our own progress rather than measuring ourselves against others, we can celebrate our growth and achievements—no matter how small. That shift in perspective fosters gratitude and self-esteem, which are key ingredients for true contentment.
2. Living in the past or future
This is a big one.
When we live in the past, we’re stuck replaying scenarios we can’t change, dwelling on regrets, or yearning for moments that have come and gone.
And when we focus too much on the future, we lose ourselves in “what-ifs,” worrying about things that may never happen or pinning our happiness on a distant goal.
As Stoic philosopher and former Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius so wisely wrote, “Each of us lives only in the present, this brief moment; the rest is either a life that is past or is an uncertain future.”
The present is the only place where life truly happens. It’s where joy, connection, and fulfillment exist. Yet, by living in the past or the future, we miss these fleeting moments of beauty and meaning.
Sound like you?
Breaking free from this habit starts with mindfulness—training yourself to bring your attention back to the here and now. Whether it’s through meditation, grounding exercises, or simply noticing the small joys of the day (like the warmth of the sun or the sound of laughter), practicing presence can transform your outlook.
3. Thinking the key to more happiness is more stuff
How often have you told yourself, “If I just had that car, that house, that gadget, then I’d finally be happy”? It’s a common belief, but chasing happiness through material possessions is a trap—an insatiable desire that never truly satisfies.
As the ancient philosopher Epicurus pointed out, “Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little.” The pursuit of more—more money, more possessions, more status—creates a cycle of fleeting satisfaction followed by an ever-growing longing for the next thing.
The truth is, material possessions can bring temporary joy, but they rarely lead to lasting happiness. Why? Because the thrill of acquiring something new fades quickly, leaving us searching for the next shiny object to fill the void.
Contentment, on the other hand, comes from appreciating what we already have. It’s about focusing on experiences, relationships, and personal growth rather than accumulating more “stuff.”
This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t enjoy nice things, but it does mean shifting our mindset. Before you chase the next big purchase, ask yourself: Is this truly what I need to feel fulfilled? Or am I looking for happiness in the wrong place?
By letting go of the belief that more equals better, you can break free from the endless cycle of wanting and start finding joy in the things that really matter.
4. Expecting to be happy all the time
This is one so many of us overlook.
Let’s face it—we’re constantly bombarded with articles, videos, and self-help advice promising to unlock everlasting happiness. If I’m being honest, I’ve probably been guilty of sharing a few of those ideas myself.
But here’s the truth: being happy all the time is impossible. More importantly, it’s not something we should strive for.
Happiness isn’t a constant state; it’s part of a broader emotional spectrum. Life has its ups and downs, and those fluctuations are not only natural but necessary. Without sadness, frustration, or challenge, how would we even recognize and appreciate moments of joy?
Happiness operates more like a scale than a switch. There will be moments of elation and fulfillment, but there will also be times of struggle and discomfort.
And that’s okay. The key is not to chase perpetual happiness but to develop resilience and find meaning even during difficult times.
5. Overlooking the importance of close relationships
Last but not least, let’s talk about the power of human connection.
We hear so much about men being “lone wolves” or the idea of thriving independently, but the truth is, as poet John Donne so eloquently put it, “No man is an island.” We’re social creatures, wired to connect and thrive in the company of others.
This isn’t just philosophical—it’s backed by science. One of the most compelling pieces of evidence comes from the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest-running study on happiness. Spanning over 80 years, researchers found that the greatest predictor of happiness and health wasn’t fame, wealth, or career success. It was the strength and quality of close relationships.
Strong relationships act as a buffer against life’s challenges, provide a sense of belonging, and bring meaning and joy to our lives. Yet, many people overlook this and prioritize achievements or possessions over fostering deep connections.
If there’s one thing you take away from this post, let it be this: Invest in your relationships. Whether it’s family, friends, or a partner, nurturing these bonds is one of the most powerful things you can do for your long-term contentment.
The bottom line
Contentment isn’t something we stumble upon by chance—it’s cultivated through the choices we make and the mindsets we embrace.
By letting go of these habits and focusing on what truly matters, you can create a life filled with greater peace, fulfillment, and joy.
But remember, it’s not about being perfect—it’s about making small, intentional changes that lead to big shifts over time. Start with one habit, and watch how it transforms your perspective.
Here’s to a more content, meaningful life!