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Does a girl keep coming to mind?
Finding it hard to get her out of your head?
Don’t worry. Many men have been there before. I know I definitely have.
It’s only natural that a girl’s face, voice, and body shape will pop up in a man’s mind now and again.
There are many reasons why this happens, and it doesn’t automatically mean that you’re attracted, obsessed, or in love with that person.
So let’s clear things up a little.
Here are 12 possible reasons a girl keeps coming to mind, then I’ll give you some tips for getting her out of your head.
1) You have intense feelings for her
The first time I couldn’t stop thinking about a girl, I tried to come up with several reasons to distract myself from the only thing that could be true:
I was falling deeply and madly in love with her.
Because the truth is, when a girl comes to mind, it’s often because you want to be with her.
When you’re in love with someone, their face, body, and voice can become burned into your brain.
And I don’t mean obsessed or even attracted; just raw emotion that feels good when you think about her.
This has happened to me more than times than I can count.
Looking back, if I’m honest with myself, every girl that got stuck in my mind was someone I had strong feelings for.
I’m putting this one here because while it may seem obvious, it is also the most common.
If a girl keeps coming to mind, you’re probably in love with her, or at least you have feelings for her.
Now if it’s a girl you don’t want to be attracted to, then scroll to the second half of the article, where I go over ways to get her out of your head and stop being attracted to her.
2) You’re attracted to her
Some people have a preference in terms of their romantic partners.
For example, you’re the kind of guy attracted to petite women with short hair.
So every time you see a new girl who’s exactly your type, she tends always to cloud your mind, which may be why you always think about them.
Or even if she’s not your type, but you feel that instant connection that attracts you to her, she’d most likely fill your mind for the next couple of days.
This is especially true if you’re single and looking for a romantic partner.
This attraction would lead you to the great unknown: the sea of what if’s.
Here, you’ll encounter your potential as romantic partners or casual flings (whichever floats your boat).
Whatever you saw in her are the qualities that your mind tells you would make her fit to be a potential partner.
3) Your history goes deep
The more history you have with someone, the harder it is to forget about them.
That’s why it took me years to get over my ex, even though I was the one who broke up with her.
No matter how much baggage we’d had together, the simple fact that we’d been together for two years meant that she was deeply rooted in my psyche.
It’s difficult to forget someone you’ve invested with everything you have – your emotions, time, money, and physical strength.
So if the girl coming to mind is your ex or someone you have a history with, then it makes sense, especially if she rejected you.
Furthermore, perhaps a recent event involving your ex has contributed to your recent thoughts about her. For example, maybe you’ve heard she just got out of a relationship, and you’re subconsciously thinking about giving it a shot with her again.
You might have difficulty forgetting her, especially if your current feelings for her are paired with regret about what you should have done to save your relationship.
Until you resolve that issue through having closure, you’re not going to think about her.
4) You’re romanticizing your meet cute
Anyone can be a hopeless romantic, it’s not limited to teenage girls or married women.
If you’re one of those people, one reason why a girl keeps coming to your mind may be that you’re romanticizing your meet cute – the first meeting you had with that person.
So if a girl can’t stop coming to mind, it could be because you’re currently romanticizing your first meeting.
You give meaning to an event that you think has the potential to be something more than simply an introduction to another person.
It’s almost like a romantic Holywood movie is playing in your head.
I’m not afraid to admit that that has happened to me before. I’d go to bed dreaming about the girl I just met and what our perfect future would be like.
So if you’ve just met this girl, perhaps she keeps coming to mind because you actually enjoy daydreaming about the future.
5) She’s connected to a core memory
Often, we relieve experiences in our head that we’d like to go through all over again.
And in mentally rummaging through your core memories, someone would most likely keep popping into your mind to remind you of the good old times.
Core memories aren’t always about your high school sweetheart, it’s about your good experiences growing up that helped make you who you are today.
So, for example, you miss the traditional Christmases in your local hometown, along with the best gingerbread cookies every Christmas Eve brought by the girl next door; you’re likely to remember that girl because she’s associated with your core memory.
6) The idea of her is tied to a conflict that your brain is trying to solve
Our brains are hardwired to constantly try to solve issues, much more so than women’s brains.
Whenever I’ve ever had a problem with a girlfriend (or anyone in general), I don’t even think about the problem anymore; I immediately jump to whatever solutions I can think of.
And that might be precisely why you can’t get your mind off her.
You may previously have unresolved issues with a girl that continues to bother you, such as a previous argument or misunderstanding or even an unsettled debt.
Because of these issues, she may constantly bug your mind as your brain tries to convince you to attend to the problem.
Another conflict that may be tied to a girl is your anxious attachment.
For instance, your brain is trying to think about ways to avoid getting abandoned by your current partner, so she’ll always come to mind whenever you feel anxious about being left behind.
Resolving these issues may help ease your mind of the burden caused by this specific thinking pattern.
7) She rejected you, which only made you want her more
Girls are often advised to “play hard to get” and guys can’t seem to understand that no means no.
Perhaps rejection makes a guy want a girl more in their lives because when someone achieves something they thought was beyond their reach, that victory is so much sweeter.
For example, you asked out a female co-worker who refused to go out with you.
You’d most likely take this rejection as a challenge, and now that girl keeps coming to your mind.
She might be leading you on, but that just makes you keep coming back.
Although in some instances, rejection simply hits a guy’s ego, making it harder for them to accept such a denial.
8) You’re like two peas in a pod
On a blind date, you found a girl with very similar tastes and preferences as you, which may be why you find it challenging to get her off your mind now.
Or maybe during your colleague’s birthday party, you talked to her other friend and found out that you have the same hobbies.
You two are very much alike that an encounter would probably lead to another.
You’re likely after a friendship or a romantic relationship with her after finding out that you both have some things in common to bond over.
Either way, your similarities may be why she keeps coming to mind.
9) She’s familiar
I can’t count the number of times I’ve had the choice to choose spending time with someone I’ve had tons of issues with over someone completely new, and I chose the latter.
Why?
For one very simple reason: the first person is familiar to me, and familiar (with baggage) feels more appealing than a stranger.
Being familiar with a person is more than just being able to recognize them from a crowd. It’s about having shared memories together.
Another reason a girl is glued to your mind might be her similarities with the special people in your life.
Maybe she greatly resembles your mother’s smile or your best friend’s sense of humor which is why you keep thinking about her.
Your struggle to keep her off your mind may be rooted in missing the people that meant a great deal to you, or it may simply mean that you’re attracted to her.
10) You can’t get over that embarrassing moment just yet
Why a girl comes to your mind doesn’t always have to be related to your romantic feelings.
An awkward encounter or an incident of secondhand embarrassment associated with a girl may be the reason for your constant thoughts of her.
It’s embarrassing if an awkward moment is solely witnessed by or associated with a girl.
For instance, if it’s your first time meeting your friend’s girlfriend after you had a scrumptious lunch somewhere.
After a few laughs and smiles, when you return to your office to freshen up before work, you realize that you’ve had something between your teeth all this time.
Chances are that embarrassing moment, and the girl will keep coming into your mind.
And it may be hard to forget her until you’ve overcome that awkward moment.
11) You’re (non-romantically) fascinated by her
You admire that girl, but not in a romantic way, and the feelings aren’t intense at all.
Perhaps something about her inspires you to do better in life, such as her determination to reach her goals while maintaining a social life.
For instance, you knew of a girl thriving despite the many obstacles she faced, so it may be why you’re thinking of her.
If you admire a girl, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re seeking a romantic relationship with her.
Sometimes all you’re looking for is mentorship or a reliable figure in your life to keep you passionate, motivated, and driven.
12) You’re distracting yourself
You’re lonely and bored, so now you want to spice up your life with a distraction.
Sometimes, it may be the other way around when you’re finding a way out of a stressful schedule, and she’s the first one that distracts your mind.
Thinking about a girl to distract yourself doesn’t automatically entail a romantic-purposed type of distraction.
She may simply be a friend or a mentor that can talk you out of your loneliness or take you out for a good time.
Although sometimes, a potential or current romantic partner is the most frequent one who comes to your mind to distract yourself from the pains in life.
Whoever that person is in your life, one reason why they always come to mind is that your mind finds ways to distract you from your sadness, boredom, or stress.
How to stop thinking about a girl: 6 tips
1. Ask her out
Okay, first things first. If you’ve concluded that you’re attracted to her, then it’s time to make a move.
She’s probably stuck in your head because you’re attracted to her, yet you don’t have her.
So let’s man up and ask her out. What’s the worst that could happen? She rejects you, and you can move on with your life.
2. Don’t make contact or look at her social media
Now, if you can’t ask her out for whatever reason, then it’s time to implement strategies so you can move on with your life.
If you can stop contacting her for a while, then do it. Out of sight, out of mind.
And don’t look at her social media. That’ll only make it worse.
3. Focus on other things
There’s no point dwelling on your thoughts about her. That will just make things worse.
So focus on something else. Get stuck into a project, a hobby, or anything that improves yourself.
4. Don’t “Try” to stop thinking about her
This tip goes against the grain, but when you try to stop thinking about something, it usually means you think about it.
Our brain is a tricky bugger.
If she pops up in your mind, don’t get angry with yourself. Instead, accept it, and move on to focus on another task or project.
5. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is a fantastic practice to calm your mind and focus your brain.
It teaches you to stay in the here and now.
I’ve personally been meditating for the better part of 5 years and it has helped me focus on the present moment and de-stress.
6. Improve yourself
If you know you’re attracted to this girl, but you definitely can’t get her, then it’s time to improve yourself.
It takes time, but if you slowly improve to become a better man, you might eventually attract her or a girl like her.