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Early on in a relationship, it can be difficult to understand a woman’s true intentions.
She might be with you for your money, maybe she’s afraid of being alone, or worse, she’s just trying to get back at an ex.
You could be dating someone for a while only to find out that they see you only as a friend.
I’m guessing if you’re reading this article, you might be used to being “led on” by women and are looking for answers.
In this article, I’ll help explain the reasons why women lead men on, so that next time you can end your confusion and separate yourself from the games.
In this article, I will share with you 10 reasons why a girl is leading you on, which can help you manage your expectations and understand where she’s coming from.
I repeat, I said “understand,” not tolerate and waste your time with a girl who only likes you for your car or whose heart is with someone else.
1) She’s Looking For Validation
Women like attention and validation.
A lot of men are willing to shower a woman with compliments, praise, and grand gestures in a heartbeat.
This starts a vicious cycle of the guy constantly offering free emotional validation, the woman enjoys it and wants the man to continue providing it for her, and then the moment it stops, the man gets accused of being unloving.
Keep in mind that relationships should not be a one-way street.
If you’re the type of guy who quickly becomes obsessed over a girl, then you might want to calm yourself down a bit.
Keep yourself busy. Be masculine. Girls are attracted to a man who is somewhat unavailable, whether you’re chasing dreams of your own, doing hobbies in your downtime, or making time for the people you care about.
A woman wants to see how interesting a man’s life is and then they’ll realize how badly they want to be a part of it.
2) You Are a Means for Her to Show Off
Believe it or not, money is the first aphrodisiac for a lot of women, most especially those who prefer to end up as a trophy wife (which there is nothing wrong about) – to each their own.
There is a certain appeal that comes with standing beside a wealthy man with connections and a prestigious social status.
Let’s be real, some materialistic women just want to feel like a trophy to the most powerful man in the room.
So don’t be surprised if you find it hard to build a personal connection with someone who doesn’t look past your looks, riches, or expensive possessions.
While it’s nice to hear compliments about how good you look time and again, it might be the only thing they ever compliment you about.
They also probably don’t care and show little to no interest in your personal life or problems.
In my view, it’s no loss when a girl like this doesn’t like you, or just leads you on to look cool at an event.
These types of women tend to be superficial and you’ll quickly get bored of them anyway.
3) She’s Not Looking For Anything Serious
I recently met up with one of my girlfriends whom I hadn’t seen in 2 years – we can thank the lockdowns for that – and she told me stories about all the guys she’s dated in that relatively short timespan.
I was taken aback. This is the same girl who 2 years ago had only ever dated one guy – a guy who was her boyfriend for 5 years.
She said that during the last two years she was bored because of all the restrictions (she was living in Melbourne, Australia – I’m sure you’ve heard what went on) and she started using Tinder to “hook up with guys”.
She told me she just wants to have fun – she’s only 26 years old and doesn’t want to settle down until she is in her 30s.
I’m sure my friend is not alone. Many women just want to have fun, particularly if they’re in their 20s.
So women might be leading you on simply because they’re not ready to be tied down.
Make sure you don’t mistake a girl’s flirting for her wanting something serious – if you do, you might end up heartbroken in the long run.
4) She Hasn’t Moved on From a Long-Term Relationship
It can be a real challenge to date a girl who just came from a long-term relationship.
She wouldn’t be in her best state of mind and might be keeping you around as emotional support.
During this transitional period, she is hypersensitive to love and might even spend more time with you to make her ex jealous.
My advice is that patience is key. Play the long game. Don’t expect her feelings to change overnight nor should you expect her to give anything in return for all the care you’ve shown her.
If she rushes into this new relationship, she would be bound by her past which would inevitably come back and haunt both of you.
5) She’s Interested in Other Guys
Look, this one is going to hurt, but truth is, she just might not be interested in you.
It certainly sucks, but we’ve all been there. I’ve had my fair share of rejections. Many guys have blown it with a girl they like.
Eye contact is a great telltale sign to figure out a girl’s interest.
If she’s out with you on a date and you catch her passing flirty glances with the men around, she’s clearly still evaluating her options.
She’s allowing other men to think she’s still on the market even if she’s with you. Don’t let her take you for a fool.
Another red flag to watch out for is if she keeps you her dirty little secret.
If she says she loves you but goes to great lengths to keep you hidden, it’s time to think things over.
The worst conclusions might be that she’s cheating on her partner with you or it’s a sign that she’s not all that into you.
6) She Keeps You Around as a Backup
You may have heard that she has a reputation for being a player and shrugged it off.
After all, it might just be rumors.
If anything, that warrants respect: A true gentleman gives a woman a chance to prove herself and show who they really are.
Just don’t forget that where there’s smoke, there’s fire.
You can tell that you’re a girl’s plan B if she only makes last-minute plans with you.
However, even if you drop all your weekend plans to spend time with her, she somehow always finds a reason to flake.
It seems like you’re not her first choice. There’s a power imbalance, and sad to say, she’s wielding the sword.
7) She Might Be Bored
One of my best friends dated this girl for a while – but it was never clear if it was exclusive – but she would tell him about all her big dreams for them, like going on adventures, settling down, and having the most beautiful beach wedding with the ocean as their backdrop.
Until one day, my friend connected all the dots. She said all these sweet words, but her actions never aligned.
She was never there when he needed her the most. The girl was all talk.
It took a serious conversation for her to admit to him and to herself that she was guilty of leading guys on out of pure boredom.
In fact, she told my friend that he felt like not just plan B, but plan Z to her sometimes.
She realized that she was in love with the idea of a relationship, but not with him or any of the guys she’s been dangling around.
And sometimes that’s the only reason a girl is leading you on – she has nothing better to do.
8) She Wants Something in Return
Another reason she could be leading you on is that she wants something from you, whether that’s money, sex, or material possession of yours.
If this was the case, it would change the dynamic of your relationship. Everything becomes transactional.
Does this mean you’d give sex for dinner? Pay for all your dates? Keep tabs on who’s given more expensive gifts?
Don’t get me wrong, this setup works for some.
Euphemistically referred to as “sugar daddy” relationships, there are some women who seek rich older men to pay for their university costs in exchange for a relationship.
If this is your type of mutually beneficial relationship, you do you.
9) She’s Naturally Flirty
It could also be that being a flirt comes naturally to her, so observe if she acts in a similar way around other people.
If you think that she’s taken an interest in you, here are some subtle clues that she’s actually flirting and not just being friendly:
- Leaning into you
- Prolonged eye contact
- Mutual laughing
- Plays with your clothing
- Teases you or gives awkward compliments
- Open body language
Signs like that indicate that she is actually flirting with you. If she is “naturally flirty” then I’m guessing she is probably just a positive and bubbly person.
Some guys think that because a girl is talking to them that they are interested.
But it doesn’t always work like that. Have a look back and think about whether you have a bit of immediately thinking girls are into you if they show the slightest bit of attention.
If you do, then this might be why you think you’re being led on, but the truth is, she never had any interest in the first place.
10) You’re Misinterpreting Her
I once came home from an amazing Tinder date, only to read a message saying, “I’m sorry if I bored you to death today. I understand if I don’t get a second date.”
And I kid you not, I typed out a reply faster than a keyboard warrior trying to win a debate on Twitter: “Are you kidding?! That was the most fun I’ve had on a date in so long.”
Fast forward to today, she’s now my partner in crime.
The truth is:
When it comes to dating, men and women tend to overthink.
When guys complain about being led on, they’re usually misreading and overanalyzing the situation.
Many guys often think that unclear, ambiguous signs of interest mean that your relationship only has “just friends” potential.
Just because the girl seems apprehensive, it doesn’t mean that they’re not interested.
There is a big difference between playing hard to get and when a girl is leading you on. If a girl denies you of mutual respect, attention, and effort, communicate it to her.
But if things don’t change as they should after a serious discussion, spare yourself the heartbreak and move on.
It’s better to cut your losses than spend another second being taken for granted.
You deserve so much better.
What to do when a girl is leading you on: 2 tips
1) Focus on building your confidence
Look, it sucks when girls keep you leading you on. But in my experience, if it keeps happening to you, then usually it’s because you’re not confident enough in yourself.
Women are seeing through your insecurities and they’re not attracted to you.
Look, that sucks to hear. I was in that exact same position. But to overcome my insecurities I focused on putting myself out there and improving myself. I worked on becoming a man of substance.
I didn’t care about rejection. I would approach girls left, right, and center because I knew that would help me improve myself.
I also focused on my career. When you become more successful at something, you tend to become more confident.
You don’t have to become successful at anything career related. It could be a hobby. It could be anything. When you expand your skill set, you tend to gain confidence in yourself.
2) Move on quickly
If you read the reasons above, then you probably realize that there’s not much you can do to change her mind.
If she’s just gotten out of a relationship, then nothing you say will want her to get into a new relationship with her.
If she’s materialistic, or superficial, you probably don’t want her anyway.
And if you simply don’t connect with a girl, then it could just be that your personalities don’t match.
The point I’m getting at here is that you need to know when to call it quits.
Move on to the next girl. Don’t give her a chance to lead you on in the first place.
The bottom line is this:
The more girls you date, the better chance you’ll have to meet the girls of your dreams.