Dating a woman 10 years older: 9 things you need to know

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Age gaps are always a tricky part of any relationship.

Some women are fine with it, some women aren’t – but what exactly do the men think? And especially if that gap is around 10 years or more?

As someone who’s dated a few women with that kind of age gap (as I do look older than my age) and have asked a few guys who’ve done the same, here’s how we gents feel about it:

1) It’s definitely a challenge to keep up

One of the first things I can confidently say about dating a woman ten years older than me is that there’s a lot to keep up with.

It’s one of those things where you have to accept that in terms of pure experience, she’s probably got you beat in a lot of things – so you need to make sure that you can keep up because it’s going to be hard to surpass her.

That doesn’t mean that it’s impossible, though. I’ve been more on the fortunate side that the women I’ve dated have been very patient with my lack of experience.

It’s definitely the kind of dynamic that works better if you can communicate with her well, but there’s also nothing wrong if she takes the lead most of the time. In many cases, that’ll really be for the best.

One thing that particularly works well for guys in this dynamic is communication:

That means that you need to make sure that you’re both on the same page when it comes to what you want out of the relationship (and where your comfort zones are) – and make sure that there are no misunderstandings or miscommunications about this. That way, problems can be avoided in the first place.

If you can communicate well and you’re open about what you want, then a young man and older woman can have a very successful and fun relationship.

2) It’s nice to be with someone who knows what they’re doing

With age comes experience – maybe not a lot, but enough compared to someone who’s ten years younger.

One of the definite perks of dating someone older is that they’re more likely to be knowledgeable than you about the things that matter.

In my experience, dating an older woman means that they’re less likely to be hung up about things that women my age tend to obsess over, like insecurities about what people think of them.

Older women are more likely to have clear goals, boundaries, and motivations, which can make the process of dating much easier.

3) The intellectual side of the relationship really shines

While it may not always be true depending on the couple, having someone ten years older as a partner really gives the intellectual discourse of the relationship a whole other meaning.

With ten years of experience ahead of you, older women can have very interesting perspectives on life that can be a delight to listen to.

As a guy, I’ve always found conversations with older women to be more on the intellectual side – they’re far more developed with their opinions about things and they have the experience to back up those opinions.

While there’s nothing wrong with talking about the trends that people my age get into today, there’s something else when that stuff is viewed with the experience of someone older.

I get to appreciate the things I take for granted, hearing what they look like from someone who’s seen them become popular.

Intellectual discussions don’t always have to be highbrow stuff either: I’ve learned a lot about how to make my life easier to live in a hundred different ways from older women.

Remember, they’ve had ten years more than you to try out stuff – they’re far more likely to know what works and what doesn’t.

4) They have a more relaxed attitude about life

There’s a not-insignificant part of women who really know what they want: and sometimes, what they want is to get with someone, get settled down, and start a family.

This can be a bit scary for some guys, especially those who are younger that haven’t really entertained the thought of starting a family so early in their lives.

In my experience, older women are generally more relaxed about goals like these – they’re far more confident in goals that they’ve set and usually don’t prescribe to pre-existing notions of what “commitment” should look like.

Having this relaxed pace helps guys really grow into the relationship, and eventually push for the next big step without feeling like they’re getting pressured into it.

5) Emotional stability – you never have to second-guess what they’re feeling

When you’re younger, you feel like you can take more risks, be a bit more reckless, and overall just live in the moment.

There’s nothing wrong with this perspective on life, but it can lead to some confusion about where you’re at emotionally, and where you want to be.

When I dated women ten years older than me, this wasn’t so much an issue with them.

They were confident and secure in their emotions, communicated what they wanted clearly, and never beat around the bush with what they expected from me in the relationship.

It was a refreshing change of pace from all the games that women my age sometimes play.

Emotional stability is a pretty crucial part of forming healthy relationships – romantic or otherwise – which is why dating older women always seemed like a calmer relationship overall.

You never have to guess what an older woman is thinking, which saves you a lot of time and effort.

6) It’s a calmer relationship overall

Younger relationships are often characterized by a passionate, sometimes frantic energy.

That makes things really fun and exciting, but the truth is that people are built for that kind of dynamic long-term.

Everyone has to rest sometime, and there are a lot of situations that just fizzle out when the spark dies down as well.

Older women have already gone through that cycle of getting past the spark of initial attraction, so they’re far calmer about relationships in general.

While some people may think that’s boring, it’s a good contrast to the usual energy that younger men can often have.

7) They know how to take care of themselves, and teach you to do the same

One of the challenges of growing older is keeping yourself in the best possible shape: and if you want to stay attractive, that means taking care of your body so it stays in shape.

In my experience, dating a woman ten years older (especially if they’re physically attractive) usually means they have a couple of tricks up their sleeve to make sure they stay attractive.

It’s not always Botox and surgery – these women usually lead very healthy lifestyles that bring out the best of their natural beauty without any artificial help.

Aside from maybe makeup, you can learn a lot about taking care of yourself, especially when it comes to skincare.

I definitely became more conscious about my “beauty routines” when I started dating a woman ten years older than I was.

I don’t think I could ever pull off the rigorous routine that they followed to make sure that they looked nothing less than their best all the time, but I started investing a bit more into products that can take care of my skin.

8) You can really feel the friendship in the relationship

Not all relationships with older women last.

Sometimes it’s just a difference in goals or directions in life – but there will always come a time when you and she will have to go your separate ways.

In relationships with women younger or the same age, this process can be ugly: but for older women, it doesn’t always have to be.

That’s because older women can be far more likely to be invested in the friendship aspect of your relationship, and it’s an aspect that can survive even after the romantic attraction is gone.

All of the women I’ve dated ten years older than I have ended on amicable terms and some of them have even remained as good friends.

9) It’s a learning experience

Something that all guys will universally agree on when it comes to dating women ten years older than them is that it’s a relationship that will definitely leave its mark on us even long after it’s done.

A gap of a few years doesn’t usually matter in the grand scheme of things, but ten years is quite a lot for most guys.

My relationships with women ten years older than me have all taught me something valuable about myself, my work, or life in general – and most of the guys I know who’ve done the same will say the same thing.

Sometimes, the lessons aren’t quite clear to us in the beginning, and we’ll definitely trip up on the way, but make no mistake: it’ll be something we remember.

For me, relationships of this type aren’t just something that you can easily enter and let go of, since there are some valuable lessons you’ll get along the way.