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“Can you give me a little time/space to figure things out?” It’s a line that we’ve heard (or sometimes used) before, but it’s always slightly worrying and very vague.
What is “figure things out?” How do you define “time” or “space”?
While the specifics can differ depending on the woman, here’s what the guys need to know about what a girl might mean when she says this to you:
1) You’re Rushing Her, Give Her Time
In my experience, I’ve often had to say the “give me time to figure things out” line to a girl who’s been really enthusiastic about our relationship so far.
Sometimes, it doesn’t even need to be the two of us in a relationship – even just the idea of being in one can be very exciting to some women.
So if you’re rushing a woman into something and she’s not quite sure what to feel about it, she’ll ask you to give her some time to figure things out.
You won’t always be on the same page with your partner, and sometimes you may be unintentionally rushing or pushing them to make a decision.
In these situations, a little time and patience can give you the answers you’re looking for.
2) She’s Looking For The Best Way To Let You Down
A woman who already decided to turn you down but isn’t quite sure how to say it yet will often stall for time by asking you to give her some space.
This isn’t so we can drag out the relationship longer – it’s usually because we don’t want to hurt your feelings by asking you to wait up.
Women who are emotionally mature (or who really care about you) will look for the best possible way to turn you down since the way relationships end has a huge impact on the person being rejected.
While it is bad that you’re being turned down in the first place, it’s good that they’re taking the time to do it gently compared to just dropping you right into the thick of it.
3) They’re Trying To Gain A Little More Confidence
Self-esteem is a tricky thing to deal with, especially in dating
Something – or someone – may be too good to be true, the relationship is going too well, or things may be moving a bit too fast.
Whatever the reason, the woman doesn’t actually dislike the progress, but they may not be feeling up to it personally, at that time.
These situations are often characterized by the woman also saying “it’s not you, you’re great” in addition to asking for time to figure things out.
More often than not, they’re just trying to gain a little more confidence in themselves (to hype themselves up, for the lack of a better term) before pushing things forward.
I asked my girlfriend about this, and as a shy woman herself, she used to sometimes ask for a little time and space so she was really sure that she wouldn’t let her partner down when the relationship did move forward.
4) She’s Scared
A woman may decide to ask for time and space to figure things out when she’s scared – this is all too common, especially in really intense relationships that might have moved too fast or too early for her comfort.
Being scared of the pace of how a relationship is developing is perfectly natural, so her asking for more time to figure things out may just be their way of overcoming that fear.
However, that’s not to say that she’ll get over her fear once you’ve given her the time she’s asking for.
Sometimes the fear might be too much for her to just get over even if you do give her the time and space, and at that point, it’s better to just accept her decision and move on.
Now if she blocks you on social media, then that is definitely a bad sign, especially if she knows you like her.
But if she continues chatting with you, then it shows she is still interested but she just needs some time to figure things out.
5) There Are Commitment Issues You Need To Work Through
At the heart of things, relationships of any sort require a commitment to make them work.
For women, commitment is a key concern that they’ll always keep in mind whenever they’re pursuing any kind of relationship.
My girlfriend advises me that asking someone to give me time to figure things out is usually just about answering the question: am I ready for this?
Are they ready for this? It’s best to take some time off to really think about things before diving into something major like a relationship, and sometimes the time and space a woman asks for is all that they need.
Keep in mind that this won’t always be about the girl – they may be giving you the chance to really think about the ramifications of being in a relationship with them before they give you an answer.
Usually, they’ll let you know that you need to take time to figure things out as well as reflect on what you’re asking from them: either way, it’s a sign that you need to think about how much you’re going to commit to the relationship.
6) She Has Other Priorities
Dating can be an important thing in many people’s lives, but for some people, they’re secondary or not even that significant compared to other things they have going on.
If a woman asks you for time to think things over or figure things out, she may be deciding how much of a priority she’s going to put on the relationship the two of you have.
A woman in this situation likely has a certain set of goals or motivations that may not always allow or include dating: kids, career, and other family members.
They ask you for time to figure out things so they’re sure where you fall in their life and how much time and effort they’re willing to invest in what you two have.
If nothing else, this can also be a great time for guys to examine their own priorities as well.
7) You’re Going To Get Dumped, And You’re Not Getting The Hint
Let’s face facts: sometimes you’re really not into a person, and that can be a difficult thing to deal with.
People have different reactions to rejection – some take it gracefully and exit, while others may need a little prodding to get the point.
I’ve personally used the “give me time to figure things out” card when I feel like the girl isn’t really getting the feeling that I’m not into her, even though I’ve made it clear numerous times.
In this case, giving me time and space is less about me figuring things out and more about you actually starting to get the message that we’re not going to work out.
With the distance that’s usually required in these scenarios, most guys will get the idea that their shot didn’t quite hit the mark.
The best case scenario is that the guy and the girl get together to discuss things and part ways, though just letting the interactions fade casually works too.
8) The Relationship Isn’t Exciting Anymore
If you’ve been seeing a woman for a while and she suddenly says that she needs time to figure things out, try paying attention to the dynamics the two of you had lately.
Have things fallen into a routine? If they have, then that may be a sign that she thinks the relationship has started to become stale.
Now there’s no need to freak out quite yet – you two may be just going through a rough patch as most couples do.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with stepping back and taking a look at the current status of the relationship to decide where it’s going to go.
But if the problem is that your relationship doesn’t really have that “spark” anymore, it’s best to work on something that will give it that while she’s figuring things out on her end.
9) There’s Someone Else
Sometimes, it’s hard to be honest. And it’s even harder to be honest if the reason why you want someone to give you time is that there’s already someone else.
We don’t always say this stuff immediately – so we use the “need time to figure things out” to give us a little more breathing room on how to say it to you.
Of course, there’s always the possibility that you’ll never know. But in my experience, I’ve used asking for a time as a way to really make up my mind if there’s someone else in the picture.
In this case, sometimes the best thing for you to do is to wait for her decision. It’s never an easy thing to say that there’s someone else – and the woman may just be trying to spare your feelings.