Sex, while an important aspect of dating, isn’t always guaranteed.
There are plenty of reasons for this: maybe you just aren’t in the mood, you have to do something the day after, or you aren’t feeling so confident in yourself.
However, getting turned down for sex isn’t always a good feeling – and you’ll find that there’s a myriad of emotions that he can go through when you say no.
1) Confusion About The Cause
There’s definitely going to be some confusion about why you’d turn him down for sex, especially if he’s misunderstood your signals or he hasn’t really experienced rejection from you before.
This holds true even if you two have been going out for a while – and especially if you’re already in a committed relationship.
Fortunately, it’s pretty easy to rectify this kind of reaction.
As a guy, it’s always helpful to hear reasons why a woman would turn me down for sex, since it helps set expectations and sets my mind at ease.
Sometimes all we just need is a little clarification.
Being rejected without a cause won’t just make guys confused: without a reason, they’ll start to think that something serious is the cause behind you saying no to sex.
This can lead to all sorts of misunderstandings, which can be a huge issue if the actual cause isn’t something for him to be concerned about.
2) Insecure About Themselves
If you turn down a guy for sex, they’ll likely feel like you aren’t sexually attracted to them at all.
He will feel like he blew it with you.
This can lead to a bit of a hit on their self-esteem and may trigger any insecurities they have about their body.
As a guy, it’s always difficult to just let sexual rejection slide without feeling like I’m not sexually desirable.
Depending on the rejection, it’s definitely something I’d get hung up on for a while.
However, it’s also a way for me to gauge her interest in sex in general, which is always something useful to know.
3) Nervousness About Bringing Up Sex Again
Getting rejected once for sex will often set a tone for how he’ll approach future sexual encounters with you.
If he feels like he’s been rejected in a particularly harsh way, there’s a good chance that he’ll feel nervous about bringing up sex with you in the future.
Guys who often fall into this type of pattern will rarely initiate sex after the initial rejection, instead preferring to hint or wait until the woman approaches them for sex.
There’s nothing wrong with this approach, but it can lead to some mixed signals when one person is ready for sexual contact while the other person hasn’t received a definite “all-clear”.
This can also lead to some confusing situations where the guy may end up rejecting the woman’s offers for sex out of the misunderstanding that it could be a “test” of some kind for them.
In that case, no one really wins – and it becomes particularly important to communicate clearly before the misunderstanding can get out of hand.
4) Annoyed About Unmet Expectations
Sometimes, a guy may ask you for sex simply because he’s expecting it, whether it’s something that you’ve expressed interest in or you’re both in a situation where things can turn in that direction.
Turning him down during these situations can be somewhat frustrating for a guy, especially if he’s been looking forward to having sex with you.
However, it’s important to note that a guy who is annoyed with you for refusing to have sex is no fault of your own: you’re perfectly entitled to not be in the mood for sex whenever you want.
If the guy is mature enough with his expectations about you and your relationship, he’ll still feel annoyed – but the feeling will pass.
5) Relieved At The Rejection
This might seem strange because the prevalent cultural opinion is that men will always want sex, but the truth is that guys can have the same reasons as women when they don’t want sex.
But because of this prevalent cultural opinion, guys may sometimes initiate sex just because it’s expected of them.
I’ve personally run into this situation a few times, mostly with women I’ve been dating for a while who are also very sexually active.
Sex kind of became an expectation – not something we did all the time, but certainly something on a schedule.
And sometimes, I was just really not in the mood for sex, but I felt like because it was something that we already did, I had to initiate it.
This is the type of reaction that you won’t notice right away.
A guy will generally hesitate disagreeing to sex because it makes him think that a single rejection could affect the frequency of sex in the future.
Some guys may also think that not asking for sex can make the woman feel bad. In most cases, clear communication is the best way to resolve these misunderstandings.
6) Disinterested In Any Further Interaction
On the opposite side of the coin, guys who are only looking for sex for you will most likely just lose interest in pursuing any relationship you may have once sex is off the table.
This can be a great way to see if a guy wants you for your body or is looking for something more serious – though it’s important to communicate the fact afterward so things are clean on the guy’s end as well.
If you’re not sure about a guy’s overall intentions with them trying to pursue a relationship with you, say that sex isn’t something that you’re thinking about getting into too quickly.
How they react is a good barometer of their expectations of your relationship, and you can make your own judgments on whether or not to pursue a relationship with them from that.
7) An Invitation To “Try Harder”
Some men don’t really take rejection well, and others don’t really think it exists at all. These guys usually take “no” as “try again and try better”, which can be a big red flag for a lot of women.
There are exceptions, of course – if you’re feeling particularly flirtatious and there are all the right signals, you can playfully reject sex and the guy gets it.
But in most situations where the guy can’t understand “no”, you have to be firm and put your foot down that you are not interested in doing anything sexual with them.
I’ve known some guys who think take being rejected for sex as some challenge to prove their manliness, and it’s never a situation that ends well.
If your partner can’t understand the implications of a straight rejection, it’s a sign that they have plenty of personal issues that you’re better off not dealing with.
8) Disappointed With The Dynamic
While the specifics can vary depending on the couple, sex is one of the most significant factors in any relationship.
Turning down sex (especially if you do it regularly) sends a clear power dynamic to the other person.
Either this is one part of dating that you either don’t care for much, or you want to have most of the power over.
Now, this isn’t a bad thing in itself – but what can turn this into a messy misunderstanding is if your dynamic isn’t something that the guy either wants or is comfortable with.
Some guys are fine with having the woman call the shots sexually, while others would like some space to be proactive about bringing it up.
If you turn down sex, it can skew the dynamic between the both of you, possibly affecting other parts of your relationship as well.
9) No Reaction At All
Finally, there’s always the possibility that they won’t feel anything at all after you turn them down for sex.
Rejections are a normal part of dating and relationships, and every guy has to make peace with being at the end of rejection sometimes.
In short, getting turned down for sex won’t be a big deal for them. As a guy who’s had his fair share of being turned down for sex, at this point I’ve gotten used to it – and so have plenty of other guys.
Not everything fun in a relationship has to revolve around sex, and if nothing else: “no” doesn’t always mean “never”.
Not having a reaction to being turned down for sex is possibly one of the best reactions a guy can have since that means that sex isn’t the driving force behind why he’s with you.
It’s a good way to gauge a guy’s sincerity in your relationship, and it can make the eventual sex you may have a lot more enjoyable.